by which i mean while lu bixing has not come into the room quite yet, there is... a snake on the top bunk very...very.... slowly peeking out from the edge of the bed. ]
[lavi walks into a room with more fearlessness than someone who's had a long history of hallucinatory experiences should have, but look -- he's just enjoying the fact that there's space to walk around?
he looks around, nyooms to the bookcase, picks a book, heads over to the bunkbeds so he can sit and read... looks up...
[whenever lbx gets back from his rowdy but hopefully energizing (hehe) night out, he'll see lavi resting, if resting means laid out on the floor rifling slowly through a open bag, like he can't be bothered to sit up while finding bandages.
he does seem a little more well rested than the night previously, though! and when the key pops into the door, he's in the middle of a yawn. spotting lavi, though, he offers him a smile in greeting, the expression the shifting into curiosity. ]
Good morning, Lavi. Aren't you prepared? Where'd you find that?
on this (not) good day in hell, lu bixing seems to be walking around with a purpose, maybe even in a little of a Controlled Rush. when he sees lavi in the library, he lets out a little huff and scurries over, brows knit together in worry and a little relief. ]
Oh, Lavi. I'm glad to see you - did you get the message too? Are you alright?
aw, lavi gets a little smile in greeting. lu bixing's got, of all things, popcorn now draped around his shoulders and sort of half ducking into his shirt. he's also sans his coat. ]
I did think I might find you here. Just a hunch. [ nerd to nerd communication ] How're you feeling?
here we are outside of... the tunnel of love because it's the funniest choice. actually, it's mostly just lu bixing peering around the edge of it, looking at the animatronics. ]
[ this is fine. lu bixing is here! he seems okay. true to form, he doesn't have any injuries besides the bandage now wrapped around his arm, and is just sitting on the floor, rubbing his face, tiredly. he's got no shirt on because pulling a sweater on over his burned arm seems like a bad idea and his sleeve was a casualty of this entire event. ]
It doesn't really hurt. [ it doesn't. he gives him a little smile, though, tired, but there. ] Thank you for helping with Lin.
lavi doesn't get a rando location. lavi actually gets their bedroom! lu bixing is in here today, sitting on his bed. popcorn is here too, quietly slinking around his back, but maybe most importantly...
he's got king bileygr in his lap, and he just looks very, very sad. ]
Lavi pauses when he opens the door, then moves in, quietly closing the door behind him. He waits for a second or two, before taking a seat on the floor across Bixing. He'd sit next to him, but Popcorn is there... He doesn't want to alarm sweet Popcorn.
his eyes go from the book to Bixing, then down again.]
[this is roomie rights!! lavi gets to be here as bixing copes with the loss of his EYE!!! puts this after jingheng beats the crap out of him, also lavi would let bixing take the bottom bunk this time, so that he doesn't have to CLIMB UP to the top
while lavi's very worried, he's keeping his demeanor calm and tension-free. it's not good for bixing if he's all worked up -- so he keeps his feelings firmly in place. instead, he cleans up the room a little, checks to see if there's enough water in bixing's glass, and reshelves all the stray books he's been letting lie around.
then, as he finishes that last task,]
We've got enough members for a club now, between you and Ryo.
anyway. it's okay. lu bixing seems pretty fine? maybe....? i dont know. he seems just sort of exhausted, and when lavi's fussing over his mess (lu bixing is not any better - his part of the room is very messy.) he ends up letting out this soft little laugh? ]
Lavi, you don't have to do all of that.
[ he's not beat up though lin probably just stepped out for like, five minutes. lu bixing has a bandage on his face and wrapped around his shoulder, and he's clean and resting now, at least, like a good boy. ]
he better be laying down. it's lu bixing's turn to be fussy!! and... not only that, but... even popcorn is a little fussy. maybe he's lost his inhibition. either way, he's poking up and slithering next to lavi and putting his little snake head on him. :(
in the meantime and less important, lu bixing is coming back into their room with a glass of water in his hands, which he brings over along with a few painkillers. ]
[no... popcorn is being so cute and lavi can't even appreciate him properly... or maybe he does, he looks like he's debating which hand to attempt a pet with,
then he glances up as Bixing comes over,]
Terrible.
[he says it with a smile, but his voice is very hoarse, the kind you get after screaming. then his smile vanishes, glancing away as if he's trying to decide whether or not to say -- then]
...Itto and I -- we got sick over there. I don't have the fever anymore, but I keep coughing up blood.
[Lavi is in their room, roomie rights... He's scratching absentmindedly at his bandages like this will help, but immediately stops when he sees Bixing.]
[ oh, got it in one. he's getting just a slightly scolding furrow of the eyebrows when he sees him itching, but. beyond that, it's lavi, and the question gets to lu bixing's core. he sighs, reaching up and rubbing a hand over his face. ]
...Not good. [ sorry, lin, he's gonna out you. lu bixing smells a little like cigarette smoke even coming into the room, which suggests that his poor space husband is perhaps chain smoking like a motherfucker today. ] They'd gotten really close.
[ a pause. ] Don't tell him I told you, though. [ and in more important news: ] ...How are you?
it takes lu bixing a little while to get into the jail, but when he does, he comes holding a couple of things folded in his arms, entering the little area quietly. as he approaches, he comes, and... sits down on the floor, in front of him. ]
...Hi, Lavi.
[ weh.
despite everything he still has the smallest of smiles for him. ] Do you mind a visitor?
[At this point in time, Lavi's exhausted. He's talked to so many people, argued with a few, tried to reassure others. He feels strung out and anxious, head in his hands as he thinks carefully to himself.
But at Bixing's footsteps and then his voice, he looks up -- glancing through the bars at him, and he straightens, smiling back.]
[me frantically writing up this tl before i have to GO AGAIN but they are somewhere in the city!!! wherever lbx is he will hear his name!!
maybe it's lost in the horde of fans that are congregated outside of wherever lbx is.... but Lavi manages to pull himself out of the crowd, waving with his good hand. His left arm is in a sling, and he's got a couple of bandages on his face, but it's fine? he's smiling!!!]
but lavi doesn't know... YET, that is, until the hole opens up beneath him and Bixing, sending Lavi FALLING TO THE GROUND. he at least catches himself at the last second so he doesn't land on his ass, but he just -- groans when he sees the television screen descend from above.]
Why....
[SHAKES U U KNOW WHICH ONE TO GIVE ME!!!]
you asked for this!!!! cws for attempted suicide & self harm
[ hey these memory holes are terrible. bixing closes his eyes when they fall in one, and he does, in fact land on his ass. and then just sighs, and mumbles: ] Please be normal.
[ alas. ]
[ after lin jingheng and monoeye hawk die, you spend one hundred days locked in your house.
you're working. the eighth is a mess in an aftermath of the battle with the seventh galaxy, and zhanlu has been destroyed. you have to fix him. you spend one hundred days in your house, alone, sending out missives. speaking to prime minister edward, too sickly to do much, taking over his duties where you can. you try and fix zhanlu.
five hundred days into your restart of life, prime minister edward passes away, of sickness, of old age, and you officially take his spot. you, as the new prime minister, host the state affair of his funeral. there was a eulogy. you think you remember people looking at you. staring. watching. you remember the caskets of nothing and the tombstones and now... you're home.
home. for five hundred days, this is where you've spent all your time. five hundred days ago, monoeye hawk and lin jingheng perished, in the battle for the seventh galaxy. five hundred days ago, your entire world ended.
there were no funerals, then.
when you first arrive at the home of engineer 001 and commander lin, as the sign cheerfully reminds you, hanging over the door, you make it all the way inside. you go to the kitchen. the ai of zhanlu, in butler mode, greets you, you think, but it sounds like it comes from underwater. you go to the refrigerator. you think - a drink. i need a drink. and you open the fridge. there's hardly anything in it - supplies in the eighth galaxy are heavily rationed, right now, and alcohol is no exception - but at the back, an unopened bottle of beer, and as your hand curls around the neck, you remember -
you see the mental image, of lin jingheng in his pajamas, bedhead, staring at the beer bottle like it personally wounded him for being so disgusting, and putting it back, and sulking to the kitchen table to a cup of cold tea, instead, and for some reason, the grief and the memory snaps the last remaining piece of your stability in two.
you scream. you just scream, at the top of your lungs, as the image vanishes, the bellow of a miserable animal, and the whole world goes dark as you stagger to the area of the house where the medical capsule is, you bang your fist on the edge of it in your frustration and start asking it, i need a hallucinogen, i need an opiate, i need drugs, give them to me, i need it, i don't want to be awake, i need it, i need it - and the capsule doesn't respond. you're shaking too hard to do anything or type anything and your fingers claw in desperation at the metal. you scream, again, despairing, drowning, miserable, slam your fist against the capsule again.
zhanlu's voice comes over your head. soft, quiet, concerned - you scream at him, too, the AI unable to do anything but warn you. "Headmaster Lu, I can't accept those requests right now, you're too unstable. Headmaster Lu, this is your first warning."
he's an AI. he has to listen to you. you ignore him, shaking, almost hyperventilating, and after the second warning, you snarl - ] Zhanlu, give me a gun.
[ because you've lost everything. in one fell swoop, in one moment, you've lost everything and you can only run from it for so long. you've worked so hard. you've done so much, to not look it in the eye, but the grief is a monster that lives under your bed and in your brain and today it rips you in two. it's all-consuming, like it was when you were a child, and zhanlu can't ignore you, and as the gun is placed into your hands, you start to bring it up, to your head, start to --
then
zhanlu projects footage on the wall in front of your head.
A 14-year-old Lin Jingheng was attending the opening ceremony of the Black Orchid Academy. The ceremonial hall was decorated with heroic histories of the Union since its founding, motivational and inspiring. The young boy sat in the corner with his attention being pulled away occasionally. But even then, he still wanted to act cool, and pretended to look around in boredom whenever he remembered he was still in the middle of a ceremony. He then accidentally noticed the small camera beside him that was recording his every move; his face reddened in embarrassment and anger as he slapped his hand down and turned off the recording.
you forget everything.
you sink down to the floor, and you watch the clip again. you watch it again. you watch it again. you watch that clip hundreds of times and you don't sleep, and the next morning, you drag yourself to your desk, grab a pocket knife, and carve a single hatch mark on your desk. you push yourself to standing. you turn off zhanlu's automation function, so he can make conscious decisions, because you - you can't be trusted with yourself, all the time. you know that, now you've fallen and burnt to ashes, and now you have to rebuild yourself. one scratch mark says i fell, and i nearly quit, but i dragged myself to standing, because the world needs me more than i want to be in it.
--
three years pass in the new independent era in the eighth galaxy. you are their leader, the face of their revolution and their prime minister, and no one outside of your home knows the turmoil that you go through. they can't see you that way. in those three years, a group of pirates and black market illegal merchants reemerged, emboldened by the chance to disrupt the economy you've worked so hard to build. it launches the galaxy into a war that lasts three long years, and you command your military forces and your political forces like an expert. you are an expert, you're the prime minister lu bixing. you can do anything.
five more scratch marks are carved into your desk.
you promised prime minister edward before he died this - if you fell seven times, you'd get up eight. these are your falls. these are your dips into despair that are so deep that you want to die. you want to die. locked into the misery of your ruthless job, alone, you want to die. you want to die, you want to die, you want to die.
you can't die. the eighth needs you.
after the first one hundred days on your own, your house is invaded by other engineers who come to help you work on zhanlu so he's no longer just in emergency mode. it takes you all a total of four hundred days to get him online, but the other engineers are so crowded and messy that you force them out, and you need to move things to the attic. the attic is untouched and filled with lin jingheng's things. you could almost see him next to you. you could almost have him there.
you light up a cigarette. you inhale, just for the sake of the familiarity. to feel like he's there, that you could see him, that he's not gone and you were just delusional the whole time, stupid -
- the smoke burns your lungs, and you start to cough, violently, violently, and you take the cigarette and you smash the burning end into your arm until the pain is so bright and smart that it forces you to come back to your senses. he's dead. lin jingheng is dead. nothing will bring him back and he is dead.
two hatch marks.
another day, you find yourself trembling as you inject a biochip in your arm. it's an opium biochip - the kind being used to create 'perfect humans', though the data is incomplete. it won't be, for you. it becomes your pet project. you work. you experiment on yourself. you inject yourself, over and over again. you work. you work. you don't sleep. you rule the eighth galaxy, you unite its forces through carrot and through stick, monitoring public executions and supply rations and economic growth and population happiness all at once, and you pull an entire galaxy to its feet while you tremble on your knees in the dark.
three hatch marks. (you keep experimenting. you inject yourself with the opium chip. you fuck with the rainbow virus in a dark lab, because you know secrets about yourself that no one else knows.)
four. (you create a hologram of lin jingheng and you stare at it for an hour, and then you hate yourself, and you cry until you throw up, and you dig your knife into the desk and you push yourself back up again. you end the war with strategic brilliance.)
five. (you download all of the video data of lin jingheng in zhanlu's system. you watch every single part of it. you work. you work, you work, you work, you throw yourself into your duties and at night you take sleep aids and hard drugs and force yourself to sleep only when you need to, or when zhanlu forces you to, like a tiny hand tugging at your pinky finger when you're about to let loose on the world.)
--
in the seventh year of the new independent era, one of your students, brilliant, brilliant mint, pilots the first program to travel through the heart of the rose, the wormhole at the edge of your galaxy, your natural barrier. you are told not to go, but you go, anyway. what's the worst that could happen? you'll die? you don't care. you go on your own.
the people in the eighth praise your courage when you return with fresh research for mint's project. you didn't die. instead, you gathered data, and from the inside of the wormhole, the data gathered gets you the visuals on what happened when the seventh and the eighth galaxy fleets, respectively, were destroyed. your father's ship. lin's. gone. destroyed, in the blink of an eye.
you come home from your trip. you order captain turan to station patrols around the wormhole, now that it's active. you lock yourself in your lab. you take a strand of lin's hair you extracted from the couch and you open a breeding tank in a fit of madness and you think, i could just reconstruct him, because you could, you're a genius, it would be easy, it would be so easy, and zhanlu blows up the breeding tank.
you stay in the dark lab for three days afterwards, but when you emerge, the knife comes out, and you scratch the sixth mark into the wood of your desk.
--
the final hatch mark is the product of your research, nine years into the new era of the Eighth Galaxy.
you stand there on the precipice. you stand there, with your completed opiate biochip research. with this completed project, with all the tests you ran on yourself, you've given yourself those abilities. you are fast. you are strong, you are, in essence, the perfect human, and you've found a way you could transplant it into anyone. tested on mice, tested on yourself. you have learned that the rainbow virus can be used to break humanity down to ashes, and rebuild them as something greater. you know, now, why you lived through that first outbreak.
you could have an army of superhumans, you could take over the IUS. you could take over the entire universe. it has taken you nine years to prove this scientific theory, and you found out that it's true.
(you could wreak destruction, on the people who took your father and lin jingheng from you.)
you stare at the papers in your hands. they tremble.
this time, you don't call captain turan. this time, you don't call the engineering department. this time you don't deliver the research. you go to your office. you work, all day long. you come home, and you stare at the papers.
you walk to your lab, where you've secretly kept those strains of the rainbow virus, papers in hand.
and you set the sample and every single paper ablaze, and destroy it for good.
when you return to your desk, you mark the final hatch mark.
if you fall seven times, you have to rise eight.
with a storm in your heart, you turn away from destruction.
with a storm in your heart, you rise. ]
[ ... definitely not normal.
when the memory ends, lu bixing's hand is resting on his own forearm, and he's eerily still. ]
Edited (my mem that i updated and forgot about tch ) 2023-03-29 21:03 (UTC)
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weekend zero, sunday
lavi! welcome to your dorm room!!!
by which i mean while lu bixing has not come into the room quite yet, there is... a snake on the top bunk very...very.... slowly peeking out from the edge of the bed. ]
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he looks around, nyooms to the bookcase, picks a book, heads over to the bunkbeds so he can sit and read... looks up...
and freezes in his tracks]
-- Huh?
[the party hat is throwing him off?]
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i forgot..... my 1/2
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week 0, wed
He can however spare a little wave for Bixing!!!]
Morning.
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he does seem a little more well rested than the night previously, though! and when the key pops into the door, he's in the middle of a yawn. spotting lavi, though, he offers him a smile in greeting, the expression the shifting into curiosity. ]
Good morning, Lavi. Aren't you prepared? Where'd you find that?
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week 0, friday
on this (not) good day in hell, lu bixing seems to be walking around with a purpose, maybe even in a little of a Controlled Rush. when he sees lavi in the library, he lets out a little huff and scurries over, brows knit together in worry and a little relief. ]
Oh, Lavi. I'm glad to see you - did you get the message too? Are you alright?
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Lavi's examining a chair, expression grim, though he offers a slight nod towards Bixing,]
I saw it.
[he holds up a hand as if to show that he's fine, but it's like a dispirited wave]
What about you? You saw the fire last night?
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week 0 saturday
Hey. You come all this way to check up on me?
[teasing, if slightly strained]
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aw, lavi gets a little smile in greeting. lu bixing's got, of all things, popcorn now draped around his shoulders and sort of half ducking into his shirt. he's also sans his coat. ]
I did think I might find you here. Just a hunch. [ nerd to nerd communication ] How're you feeling?
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week 1, monday
here we are outside of... the tunnel of love because it's the funniest choice. actually, it's mostly just lu bixing peering around the edge of it, looking at the animatronics. ]
The quality on these is almost charming...
[ nerd
hey lavi ]
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Lavi's here to join his fellow nerd, arms linked behind his head.]
They kinda remind me of Golem.
[golem would look offended if it had a soul]
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1/2
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week 1 thursday
me assuming that bixing is in their room but if he's not then lavi's there anyway,]
How's the arm?
[he seems less tense than he'd been when the whole group dropped out from the ferry, but he's still tense?]
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It doesn't really hurt. [ it doesn't. he gives him a little smile, though, tired, but there. ] Thank you for helping with Lin.
WHERE did this notif go i hate it here
mine have been terrible today i feel this
shakes both of our inboxes
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week 1 post dead
lavi doesn't get a rando location. lavi actually gets their bedroom! lu bixing is in here today, sitting on his bed. popcorn is here too, quietly slinking around his back, but maybe most importantly...
he's got king bileygr in his lap, and he just looks very, very sad. ]
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Lavi pauses when he opens the door, then moves in, quietly closing the door behind him. He waits for a second or two, before taking a seat on the floor across Bixing. He'd sit next to him, but Popcorn is there... He doesn't want to alarm sweet Popcorn.
his eyes go from the book to Bixing, then down again.]
...Did you get to talk to her last night?
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week 1 sunday
while lavi's very worried, he's keeping his demeanor calm and tension-free. it's not good for bixing if he's all worked up -- so he keeps his feelings firmly in place. instead, he cleans up the room a little, checks to see if there's enough water in bixing's glass, and reshelves all the stray books he's been letting lie around.
then, as he finishes that last task,]
We've got enough members for a club now, between you and Ryo.
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anyway. it's okay. lu bixing seems pretty fine? maybe....? i dont know. he seems just sort of exhausted, and when lavi's fussing over his mess (lu bixing is not any better - his part of the room is very messy.) he ends up letting out this soft little laugh? ]
Lavi, you don't have to do all of that.
[ he's not beat up though lin probably just stepped out for like, five minutes. lu bixing has a bandage on his face and wrapped around his shoulder, and he's clean and resting now, at least, like a good boy. ]
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week 2 thursday >:(
he better be laying down. it's lu bixing's turn to be fussy!! and... not only that, but... even popcorn is a little fussy. maybe he's lost his inhibition. either way, he's poking up and slithering next to lavi and putting his little snake head on him. :(
in the meantime and less important, lu bixing is coming back into their room with a glass of water in his hands, which he brings over along with a few painkillers. ]
Lavi, here... how're you feeling?
:)
then he glances up as Bixing comes over,]
Terrible.
[he says it with a smile, but his voice is very hoarse, the kind you get after screaming. then his smile vanishes, glancing away as if he's trying to decide whether or not to say -- then]
...Itto and I -- we got sick over there. I don't have the fever anymore, but I keep coughing up blood.
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week 2 friday
Hey... [...] How's Jingheng?
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...Not good. [ sorry, lin, he's gonna out you. lu bixing smells a little like cigarette smoke even coming into the room, which suggests that his poor space husband is perhaps chain smoking like a motherfucker today. ] They'd gotten really close.
[ a pause. ] Don't tell him I told you, though. [ and in more important news: ] ...How are you?
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week 2, saturday
it takes lu bixing a little while to get into the jail, but when he does, he comes holding a couple of things folded in his arms, entering the little area quietly. as he approaches, he comes, and... sits down on the floor, in front of him. ]
...Hi, Lavi.
[ weh.
despite everything he still has the smallest of smiles for him. ] Do you mind a visitor?
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But at Bixing's footsteps and then his voice, he looks up -- glancing through the bars at him, and he straightens, smiling back.]
Nah. You've got roomie rights, remember?
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week seven, monday
maybe it's lost in the horde of fans that are congregated outside of wherever lbx is.... but Lavi manages to pull himself out of the crowd, waving with his good hand. His left arm is in a sling, and he's got a couple of bandages on his face, but it's fine? he's smiling!!!]
Man, you sure are popular.
[hi dad :)]
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he just like jerks his head up, notes the injuries and then just darts over
and scoops him up in a huge hug
right off of his feet
wow ]
Lavi!
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week seven, wednesday
but lavi doesn't know... YET, that is, until the hole opens up beneath him and Bixing, sending Lavi FALLING TO THE GROUND. he at least catches himself at the last second so he doesn't land on his ass, but he just -- groans when he sees the television screen descend from above.]
Why....
[SHAKES U U KNOW WHICH ONE TO GIVE ME!!!]
you asked for this!!!! cws for attempted suicide & self harm
[ alas. ]
[ ... definitely not normal.
when the memory ends, lu bixing's hand is resting on his own forearm, and he's eerily still. ]
I DID ASK FOR THIS LIKE A FOOLE
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