I shouldn't have said anything. I - it just reminded me so much of what happened with Lin, I couldn't - I couldn't stand by it, it would've been sending either of you to the gallows either way, and I...
[ the words start to tumble out of his mouth before he really has any control of them, but - it's okay. lu bixing's always been so, so compassionate, and this is no different than that. he's not as composed as he was in that room, because the talk of self sacrifice, the misery on tuuri's face, hit so deeply home that it rattled him, hard. and he can now only imagine how zelgadis must be feeling. the bottom of the earth.
he inhales, sharply, tries to compose himself. ] ...All that talk, and it's still so wrong. I'm not an idiot, I owe you an apology.
he delivers this story very quietly, folding his hands in his lap - with the steadiness of his ]
He... We were in the middle of a political event when a fleet of ships attacked the planet we were on, and the situation got out of control. He was on the ground, and I wasn't. He's - Lin's the commander of the Silver Ten, the best military force in any of the galaxies, so of course, he was trying to help. I found out he was going to pilot his ship directly into a transfer portal that connected us to another galaxy - in doing so, he was aiming to cut the other ships off and destroy them from inside, so that the Eighth would be safe from attacks like it. [ so he would be safe, so lu bixing would be. ] I knew it was dangerous, and I tried to follow him so I could bring him back and stop him, and his second in command even enabled it. She gave me the keys to a mech and told me to go to a launch bay. I took the keys, walked into the elevator...
...And the second the doors closed, they filled the elevator with an anesthetic gas that knocked me out against my will. On Lin's orders.
When I woke up, he'd blown up the entire transfer portal to save us, and killed himself in the process. My father died, too - they both knew exactly what they were doing, and they sacrificed their lives to make sure I could keep living.
[ as he finishes, he looks down, and for the first time - someone who's always a light, someone who tends to carry gravitas, just looks so, so tired. ]
The only problem with that was that I didn't want to, without either of them there. But neither of them thought about that. No one ever does.
[He listens quietly. There's a lot that's difficult to imagine -- an otherworldly setting, intergalactic travel, technology beyond his understanding...
But what happened... the loss, the despair, that part is plenty vivid.]
...Then, I had to lead the Eighth. I had to survive, and pick up the pieces. I had no choice but to do what they wished of me, and what the people of the galaxy needed. I've been their prime minister for seventeen years. And I'm good at it. I made sure we could build the society that they left behind.
[ ... ]
...But every single day was a struggle. For the first hundred days, I locked myself in my house and didn't see anyone. I did nothing but work, and grieve. After that, I started to leave to manage things as the Prime Minister when the old one passed away, because I had to, but the grief never stopped. More than once, I tried to kill myself and stopped myself at the last second, because I had to stay alive. They died for me, and the galaxy needed me, so I forced myself to live.
It didn't feel like living. In fact, waking up here - and waking up here, with Lin, felt like a relief.
Love doesn't always have to be romantic, you know. [ but yours clearly is. anyway ] That's not really the point, anyway - the point is more so the bravery than anything else.
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[ the words start to tumble out of his mouth before he really has any control of them, but - it's okay. lu bixing's always been so, so compassionate, and this is no different than that. he's not as composed as he was in that room, because the talk of self sacrifice, the misery on tuuri's face, hit so deeply home that it rattled him, hard. and he can now only imagine how zelgadis must be feeling. the bottom of the earth.
he inhales, sharply, tries to compose himself. ] ...All that talk, and it's still so wrong. I'm not an idiot, I owe you an apology.
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[He still thinks he should be the one on the chopping block.]
... What happened with Lin?
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he delivers this story very quietly, folding his hands in his lap - with the steadiness of his ]
He... We were in the middle of a political event when a fleet of ships attacked the planet we were on, and the situation got out of control. He was on the ground, and I wasn't. He's - Lin's the commander of the Silver Ten, the best military force in any of the galaxies, so of course, he was trying to help. I found out he was going to pilot his ship directly into a transfer portal that connected us to another galaxy - in doing so, he was aiming to cut the other ships off and destroy them from inside, so that the Eighth would be safe from attacks like it. [ so he would be safe, so lu bixing would be. ] I knew it was dangerous, and I tried to follow him so I could bring him back and stop him, and his second in command even enabled it. She gave me the keys to a mech and told me to go to a launch bay. I took the keys, walked into the elevator...
...And the second the doors closed, they filled the elevator with an anesthetic gas that knocked me out against my will. On Lin's orders.
When I woke up, he'd blown up the entire transfer portal to save us, and killed himself in the process. My father died, too - they both knew exactly what they were doing, and they sacrificed their lives to make sure I could keep living.
[ as he finishes, he looks down, and for the first time - someone who's always a light, someone who tends to carry gravitas, just looks so, so tired. ]
The only problem with that was that I didn't want to, without either of them there. But neither of them thought about that. No one ever does.
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But what happened... the loss, the despair, that part is plenty vivid.]
Then, you...
[...]
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[ ... ]
...But every single day was a struggle. For the first hundred days, I locked myself in my house and didn't see anyone. I did nothing but work, and grieve. After that, I started to leave to manage things as the Prime Minister when the old one passed away, because I had to, but the grief never stopped. More than once, I tried to kill myself and stopped myself at the last second, because I had to stay alive. They died for me, and the galaxy needed me, so I forced myself to live.
It didn't feel like living. In fact, waking up here - and waking up here, with Lin, felt like a relief.
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... So that's why you reacted so strongly at the trial.
[To the attempted self-sacrifice.]
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That's why. [ ... ] I know too many brave people who think that giving someone their entire life is the only way to show that they love you.
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I wasn't really trying to prove anything...
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Love doesn't always have to be romantic, you know. [ but yours clearly is. anyway ] That's not really the point, anyway - the point is more so the bravery than anything else.
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...
... don't want her to die.