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You think it's something worse than that.
[Tells or not, it's not all that difficult to guess. The toothpick is shaping itself nicely, at least. It goes faster with two people working on it, for sure.]
...If there's something we need to treat it, something we don't have. Do you suppose the demons would bargain for it?
[Tells or not, it's not all that difficult to guess. The toothpick is shaping itself nicely, at least. It goes faster with two people working on it, for sure.]
...If there's something we need to treat it, something we don't have. Do you suppose the demons would bargain for it?
...I don't want it to be, but there's a chance.
[ he'll just tell thancred honestly, quiet. ] He said that when they were there, they were all immune to a sickness that spread from it, but... now, he's showing symptoms of having whatever degradation or infection that came from it. I don't know what the treatment would be, but - I also don't know. People have come back acting strangely from these trips.
[ harrow, your brain ] So... I told him I'd just like to keep an eye on his condition for the next 24 hours or so. Just to make sure it gets better, instead of worse.
Don't - don't take it as doomsday, though. It's more precaution than anything, I promise.
[ he'll just tell thancred honestly, quiet. ] He said that when they were there, they were all immune to a sickness that spread from it, but... now, he's showing symptoms of having whatever degradation or infection that came from it. I don't know what the treatment would be, but - I also don't know. People have come back acting strangely from these trips.
[ harrow, your brain ] So... I told him I'd just like to keep an eye on his condition for the next 24 hours or so. Just to make sure it gets better, instead of worse.
Don't - don't take it as doomsday, though. It's more precaution than anything, I promise.
[His hands still a minute, hung up on the description. The words degradation, infection. How there hadn't been a rash, until he'd fallen off the boat and one started to spread.]
Would you tell me if it wasn't?
[Because that's always a pertinent and damning question, isn't it. And, well. It's not that he assumes Ryn would do this, but he's also not above it.]
If he told you to hide things about his condition from me, would you?
Would you tell me if it wasn't?
[Because that's always a pertinent and damning question, isn't it. And, well. It's not that he assumes Ryn would do this, but he's also not above it.]
If he told you to hide things about his condition from me, would you?
I would. [ to the first. and to the second: ] And I wouldn't.
[ ... ]
Lin has done that to me enough times. [ and monoeye hawk, too, really. left him in the dark. kept a secret from him for years. lin, too - hiding his injuries, brushing them off like nothing matters. ] I know how it feels to be kept in the dark because someone thinks that it's for your own good.
[ ... ]
Lin has done that to me enough times. [ and monoeye hawk, too, really. left him in the dark. kept a secret from him for years. lin, too - hiding his injuries, brushing them off like nothing matters. ] I know how it feels to be kept in the dark because someone thinks that it's for your own good.
...Thank you.
[Not that he's one to talk about hiding injuries, himself. Or about making choices ostensibly for someone's own good, that actually winds up being against their interest and to their detriment both.
He lets out a slow breath.]
Is there. Anything I ought to be doing?
[Not that he's one to talk about hiding injuries, himself. Or about making choices ostensibly for someone's own good, that actually winds up being against their interest and to their detriment both.
He lets out a slow breath.]
Is there. Anything I ought to be doing?
[ bar it is!
actually, thancred will find lu bixing at the bar after that mess, too. he's at the underwater one, because it's quieter here comparatively, and sitting updating his notes on his personal device. he's got a drink in front of him - it looks like the confession one, actually, because someone just does not seem to give a shit about this today.
when he spots thancred though, he gives him a small, tired smile. ]
...Hey, Thancred. How're you feeling...?
actually, thancred will find lu bixing at the bar after that mess, too. he's at the underwater one, because it's quieter here comparatively, and sitting updating his notes on his personal device. he's got a drink in front of him - it looks like the confession one, actually, because someone just does not seem to give a shit about this today.
when he spots thancred though, he gives him a small, tired smile. ]
...Hey, Thancred. How're you feeling...?
[Man, it has been A Day™, all right, and the past couple ones before this haven't been a walk in the figurative park either. He'd come to the underwater bar for the same reason as Lu Bixing, really — that and its proximity to the indoor beach and convenience store, where he otherwise spends far, far too much of his time.
He's just drinking beer of whatever quality he can get, at this point. This isn't a time for fancy tastes, it's a time for unwinding.]
Better now than I was a few bells ago.
[He slides onto a stool and/or into a chair next to LBX, fully ready to hunch over his beer and nurse it sullenly.]
...I owe you something of an apology, I suppose.
He's just drinking beer of whatever quality he can get, at this point. This isn't a time for fancy tastes, it's a time for unwinding.]
Better now than I was a few bells ago.
[He slides onto a stool and/or into a chair next to LBX, fully ready to hunch over his beer and nurse it sullenly.]
...I owe you something of an apology, I suppose.
[ he just kind of looks at him for a moment - not angry, really, just thoughtful. it's times like these that it's obvious that he's a scientist, the sort of clever, observant person that's built everything from a school to nuclear weapons. ]
...I'd like to hear you say them. [ his reasons, that is. ]
...I'd like to hear you say them. [ his reasons, that is. ]
Because we didn't have an alternative to where the purple substance had come from, and we've hanged people for less.
[He shrugs slightly.]
And if it had gone that way, I would have offered myself as a possibility, with no definitive evidence to prove otherwise.
[He shrugs slightly.]
And if it had gone that way, I would have offered myself as a possibility, with no definitive evidence to prove otherwise.
I know precisely how he would've felt about that. It would have crushed him.
[He almost — snaps this, actually, like it prods at a painful emotion he's been nursing all day, a raw would he's figuratively been holding shut with his bare hands.]
And I would have done it. Do you really think I don't know exactly what it would mean?
[He almost — snaps this, actually, like it prods at a painful emotion he's been nursing all day, a raw would he's figuratively been holding shut with his bare hands.]
And I would have done it. Do you really think I don't know exactly what it would mean?
[ well. he's not bothered by the snap, really, just kind of regarding him quietly, letting him take that rawness out on him, if he wants. ]
No. I know you do. [ that he knows anyway. of course he does. bixing's voice is very calm and quiet, as always, belaying not a single other emotion beyond something tinged with a little sadness. ] Trust me, I know.
You and Gideon both are like that, right? Brave. Protective. Willing to die so someone else gets to live. Lin is, too.
No. I know you do. [ that he knows anyway. of course he does. bixing's voice is very calm and quiet, as always, belaying not a single other emotion beyond something tinged with a little sadness. ] Trust me, I know.
You and Gideon both are like that, right? Brave. Protective. Willing to die so someone else gets to live. Lin is, too.
...
[Louisoix would've been patient that way, too. He always was. Strange how he feels like such a child again, beneath Bixing's scrutiny, and he takes a couple drinks of his beer to steady himself before subjecting himself to it once again.]
It's her responsibility. My responsibility.
[...]
She wouldn't have forgiven me either, for what it's worth.
[Louisoix would've been patient that way, too. He always was. Strange how he feels like such a child again, beneath Bixing's scrutiny, and he takes a couple drinks of his beer to steady himself before subjecting himself to it once again.]
It's her responsibility. My responsibility.
[...]
She wouldn't have forgiven me either, for what it's worth.
...but you can't stop yourself, either.
[ he echoes, looking down at his cup, into the liquid, and he's quiet for a long time. ]
...You know, out of everything here that happens, every bad, awful thing we have week to week, there's one thing here that I hate more than anything else, and its our Thursday nights. [ it seems like a tangent, but, he rubs his thumb against the cold edge of his glass, and continues. ]
There's a reason. A long time ago, there was a serious battle between the Eighth Galaxy and some of our enemies who ambushed us from two sides in an attack we were mostly expecting, though not at the scale and ferocity of it. Lin Jingheng led his squadron ahead to protect a group of civilians, and he promised me that he'd come back through the underground channels we had between galaxies - lines that smugglers used. But I knew - I knew that it was unsafe, and I didn't think he'd come back, and so, I went to get him, or at least back him up. He'd already done something similar more times than I can count.
When I went to get him, his second in command was the one who offered to let me borrow one of her mechs. And when I got into her ship, I went to the elevator to go to the mech bay - and she flooded the bay with a neural anesthetic that put me to sleep against my will. On Lin's orders, because he didn't want me to follow, because he knew I'd be in danger.
When I woke up, he was dead.
All because he wanted to protect me, and the galaxy we'd built, and I had to pick up the pieces afterwards, and there were so many pieces. Every Thursday, I'm terrified that I'll be forced to fall asleep, and I wake up, and he'll be gone. I don't think that will ever go away. I'm still not over it. I won't ever be.
[ he finally glances up from the cup, at that. ]
...I know he's lost a lot - Rynlan and I have a lot in common, in more ways than you'd think. I don't have to tell you that, I'm sure. [ loss, after all - it's familiar. grief. the way rynlan recognized things in lu bixing he's tried very, very hard to hide. ] And I'll tell you this. If I lost Lin again, if he tried to die to save me, then I'd shatter apart in a way I don't think I could put myself back together. I don't think I'd want to live anymore at all.
...All that is to say, maybe Rynlan's better than I am. Maybe he could handle losing you and continuing to live on. [ even though he knows that he doesn't. ] But no one ever accounts for what happens after the moment of self sacrifice, either. No one ever thinks about what happens if someone saves your life, and when they're gone, you don't want to live.
[ he echoes, looking down at his cup, into the liquid, and he's quiet for a long time. ]
...You know, out of everything here that happens, every bad, awful thing we have week to week, there's one thing here that I hate more than anything else, and its our Thursday nights. [ it seems like a tangent, but, he rubs his thumb against the cold edge of his glass, and continues. ]
There's a reason. A long time ago, there was a serious battle between the Eighth Galaxy and some of our enemies who ambushed us from two sides in an attack we were mostly expecting, though not at the scale and ferocity of it. Lin Jingheng led his squadron ahead to protect a group of civilians, and he promised me that he'd come back through the underground channels we had between galaxies - lines that smugglers used. But I knew - I knew that it was unsafe, and I didn't think he'd come back, and so, I went to get him, or at least back him up. He'd already done something similar more times than I can count.
When I went to get him, his second in command was the one who offered to let me borrow one of her mechs. And when I got into her ship, I went to the elevator to go to the mech bay - and she flooded the bay with a neural anesthetic that put me to sleep against my will. On Lin's orders, because he didn't want me to follow, because he knew I'd be in danger.
When I woke up, he was dead.
All because he wanted to protect me, and the galaxy we'd built, and I had to pick up the pieces afterwards, and there were so many pieces. Every Thursday, I'm terrified that I'll be forced to fall asleep, and I wake up, and he'll be gone. I don't think that will ever go away. I'm still not over it. I won't ever be.
[ he finally glances up from the cup, at that. ]
...I know he's lost a lot - Rynlan and I have a lot in common, in more ways than you'd think. I don't have to tell you that, I'm sure. [ loss, after all - it's familiar. grief. the way rynlan recognized things in lu bixing he's tried very, very hard to hide. ] And I'll tell you this. If I lost Lin again, if he tried to die to save me, then I'd shatter apart in a way I don't think I could put myself back together. I don't think I'd want to live anymore at all.
...All that is to say, maybe Rynlan's better than I am. Maybe he could handle losing you and continuing to live on. [ even though he knows that he doesn't. ] But no one ever accounts for what happens after the moment of self sacrifice, either. No one ever thinks about what happens if someone saves your life, and when they're gone, you don't want to live.
[If he didn't understand the value of secrets as intimately as he does, or maybe just if he were more concerned about commiserating regardless of cost, he'd acknowledge that no, Rynlan isn't better than it, actually, and he knows it. That a significant part of his silence over the past eight bells had been spent inwardly weighing the costs. Fighting his own instincts against the reality of what such a sacrifice would do, of pitting adherence to his own honor against knowing full well that given the choice, Ryn would sooner die before him.
And maybe it would've come to that. Maybe Scaramouche would've gotten away with it, and they'd condemned an innocent man, and he would've blinked awake on execution island on a stage instead of in the audience, because that's just the sort of cruel way these things tend to go.
He breathes out slowly, and it shakes. He doesn't usually have the better part of a day to sit on a knife's edge contemplating the ramifications of his own imminent demise. It's stressful, to say the least — as much from awareness of the fallout it would've created as how it would actually feel to die.]
He asked me something, a few days back. That if we were all to find our way out of this somehow, if I would consider traveling to your galaxy for a time. To see if you had the means to extend my lifespan.
[Which. Does sort of implicate his knowledge of Ryn's feelings on the subject, even if he's not going to come right out and say them.]
I find it passing strange that we so rarely see anyone defending each other at these trials. We're all quick to condemn. Draw even the slightest hint of suspicion, and...
[He shrugs again.]
I could lose him and live on. I'm getting damned good at bearing the bitter taste of failing the people I care for. It's the standing by and doing nothing that I couldn't abide. That's the part I'd find unforgivable.
And maybe it would've come to that. Maybe Scaramouche would've gotten away with it, and they'd condemned an innocent man, and he would've blinked awake on execution island on a stage instead of in the audience, because that's just the sort of cruel way these things tend to go.
He breathes out slowly, and it shakes. He doesn't usually have the better part of a day to sit on a knife's edge contemplating the ramifications of his own imminent demise. It's stressful, to say the least — as much from awareness of the fallout it would've created as how it would actually feel to die.]
He asked me something, a few days back. That if we were all to find our way out of this somehow, if I would consider traveling to your galaxy for a time. To see if you had the means to extend my lifespan.
[Which. Does sort of implicate his knowledge of Ryn's feelings on the subject, even if he's not going to come right out and say them.]
I find it passing strange that we so rarely see anyone defending each other at these trials. We're all quick to condemn. Draw even the slightest hint of suspicion, and...
[He shrugs again.]
I could lose him and live on. I'm getting damned good at bearing the bitter taste of failing the people I care for. It's the standing by and doing nothing that I couldn't abide. That's the part I'd find unforgivable.
[ aha.. the first part has him smile a little, expression warming up with fondness. ]
...I'm not surprised - and we'd be happy to have you. Believe it or not, I offered a similar invitation to Gideon, too.
[ it's a qiming party!!! but, beyond that, he listens to everything thancred has to say, gently pressing his thumbs against his glass, stroking through the condensations for the sake of something to do with his hands, for the feeling of cold as something grounding. ]
I'd like it if you put that energy towards solving it instead of throwing yourself onto the closest stake....but, I get it. [ it's more facetious than anything else - not a real scold or a point against thancred, or anything. ] I think putting that same energy towards finding the truth so neither of you have to die for no reason is ideal. I know it's not always possible, but... well. I won't lecture you.
[ he huffs, and then, has a more familiar lu bixing smile, soft and genuine, sad. ] ...I'm sorry that you've had to lose so much, to have to build up that kind of tolerance, Thancred.
...I'm not surprised - and we'd be happy to have you. Believe it or not, I offered a similar invitation to Gideon, too.
[ it's a qiming party!!! but, beyond that, he listens to everything thancred has to say, gently pressing his thumbs against his glass, stroking through the condensations for the sake of something to do with his hands, for the feeling of cold as something grounding. ]
I'd like it if you put that energy towards solving it instead of throwing yourself onto the closest stake....but, I get it. [ it's more facetious than anything else - not a real scold or a point against thancred, or anything. ] I think putting that same energy towards finding the truth so neither of you have to die for no reason is ideal. I know it's not always possible, but... well. I won't lecture you.
[ he huffs, and then, has a more familiar lu bixing smile, soft and genuine, sad. ] ...I'm sorry that you've had to lose so much, to have to build up that kind of tolerance, Thancred.
If we're speaking of failure to make contributions to the effort, you might start with those who decided to debate the sexual attractiveness of bees for the better part of the afternoon.
[But the point still stands. And he's literally through his first beer by now, with the way he's been hitting it, so he doesn't hesitate to get up and get himself another.]
Though mayhap we'll not see any others, now. With Scaramouche out, we're down to twenty. And if Barnes is to be believed, that means we're all eligible to make it through that party's doors.
[But the point still stands. And he's literally through his first beer by now, with the way he's been hitting it, so he doesn't hesitate to get up and get himself another.]
Though mayhap we'll not see any others, now. With Scaramouche out, we're down to twenty. And if Barnes is to be believed, that means we're all eligible to make it through that party's doors.
[ help he laughs at that like he can't help it ]
Hah - true. It's so inefficient, the way we're made to do this. If we could go out in teams and investigate instead of one at a time, we wouldn't have to waste so much time waiting.
[ unfortunately lbx that's not the point of a murdergame
but, as thancred comes back, he sips from his own drink, finally putting his notes away. thancred gets his full attention. friendship ]
Mmm. I hope so, but... I don't know. It worries me, that what happened this week had little to do with the party itself. Honestly, our time would better be spent just focusing on building up our tolerance instead of trying to cut down numbers - logically, it doesn't make any sense to me why people would just jump to killing each other, but then again, I'm not a murderer. The last two were accidents, but this especially doesn't feel that way.
So... all we can do is wait and see, I guess.
Hah - true. It's so inefficient, the way we're made to do this. If we could go out in teams and investigate instead of one at a time, we wouldn't have to waste so much time waiting.
[ unfortunately lbx that's not the point of a murdergame
but, as thancred comes back, he sips from his own drink, finally putting his notes away. thancred gets his full attention. friendship ]
Mmm. I hope so, but... I don't know. It worries me, that what happened this week had little to do with the party itself. Honestly, our time would better be spent just focusing on building up our tolerance instead of trying to cut down numbers - logically, it doesn't make any sense to me why people would just jump to killing each other, but then again, I'm not a murderer. The last two were accidents, but this especially doesn't feel that way.
So... all we can do is wait and see, I guess.
No, it rather does feel as though we're all puppets being pulled about on strings, doesn't it? This has been a game since the day we arrived. The problem is that the only ones who know the rules are also the ones enforcing them — and they aren't telling.
[This beer has nothing to do with tolerance and everything to do with profound sadness, that's for sure.]
Did you notice in Chandra's notes, his message to the person who was worried he might be targeted for being weak? He took the time to write, "I was right".
He had a working theory, and saw it proved true. I wonder what it was. Mayhap we should ask.
[This beer has nothing to do with tolerance and everything to do with profound sadness, that's for sure.]
Did you notice in Chandra's notes, his message to the person who was worried he might be targeted for being weak? He took the time to write, "I was right".
He had a working theory, and saw it proved true. I wonder what it was. Mayhap we should ask.
[ thancred showing off his crow mouth here as scaramouche gets puppeted around in execution
he makes a little noise, agreeing. ]
Mmm. I tried to get an answer from Scaramouche, but... if he wouldn't give one to me, I doubt he'd give one to almost anyone. Maybe Akira, but he stuck very firmly to what he said at the end.
[ that he wouldn't answer anything. lu bixing's been pretty close with that feisty little cat, and even he couldn't squirrel a full answer out of him. ] In terms of Scaramouche targeting him... I don't know. He's got a little bit of a chip on his shoulder, but I don't know the exact reasons of why he might've chosen to attack Chandra - only that I'm sure it has nothing to do with our situation.
I'm sure we can try and find out through the phone messages, though.
he makes a little noise, agreeing. ]
Mmm. I tried to get an answer from Scaramouche, but... if he wouldn't give one to me, I doubt he'd give one to almost anyone. Maybe Akira, but he stuck very firmly to what he said at the end.
[ that he wouldn't answer anything. lu bixing's been pretty close with that feisty little cat, and even he couldn't squirrel a full answer out of him. ] In terms of Scaramouche targeting him... I don't know. He's got a little bit of a chip on his shoulder, but I don't know the exact reasons of why he might've chosen to attack Chandra - only that I'm sure it has nothing to do with our situation.
I'm sure we can try and find out through the phone messages, though.
[ lbx tomorrow at execution like haha what the fuck?? ]
The impression Uriel and Zagreus gave was something of a hunt. Everyone falls asleep; a few come awake. They discovered each other and had no motive to play the game, up until tragedy struck and forced Uriel's hand. Chandra's impressions seem to be similar, and though I'm only speculating based on Childe and Scaramouche's temperaments, I wouldn't be surprised if they did decide to "play".
[He shakes his head.]
There's no way to know. And barring some means of passing our intentions to them in code, I doubt those who control the lines of communication will allow any true assistance to pass through.
The impression Uriel and Zagreus gave was something of a hunt. Everyone falls asleep; a few come awake. They discovered each other and had no motive to play the game, up until tragedy struck and forced Uriel's hand. Chandra's impressions seem to be similar, and though I'm only speculating based on Childe and Scaramouche's temperaments, I wouldn't be surprised if they did decide to "play".
[He shakes his head.]
There's no way to know. And barring some means of passing our intentions to them in code, I doubt those who control the lines of communication will allow any true assistance to pass through.
[ its ok he's used to lin's crow mouth this is normal
anyway. he listens to this and nods along. ]
Mmm. [ the noise is thoughtful - he finally takes another sip of his own drink, tilting his head from side to side. ] Maybe so. All we can really do is theorize.
[ as usual. ] About this, about what's to come, now that our numbers will drop to 20. And the future is dark, and full of terrors.
[ that's a little wryly, at least - a quoted joke as he lifts his glass. ] Still. No way to go but forward, huh? And try and unravel these mysteries for as much time as we have left.
anyway. he listens to this and nods along. ]
Mmm. [ the noise is thoughtful - he finally takes another sip of his own drink, tilting his head from side to side. ] Maybe so. All we can really do is theorize.
[ as usual. ] About this, about what's to come, now that our numbers will drop to 20. And the future is dark, and full of terrors.
[ that's a little wryly, at least - a quoted joke as he lifts his glass. ] Still. No way to go but forward, huh? And try and unravel these mysteries for as much time as we have left.
And so we walk, one step after another.
[He'll drink to that, and toast to it as well.]
If we've new, mysterious alcoholic substances turning up in the next few days — count me in for helping you test the effects, all right? I was remiss in offering assistance this past one.
[He takes a long drink of his beer, and then: ]
Though gods help me, if Rynlan spills coffee on me again I may well strangle him myself.
[He'll drink to that, and toast to it as well.]
If we've new, mysterious alcoholic substances turning up in the next few days — count me in for helping you test the effects, all right? I was remiss in offering assistance this past one.
[He takes a long drink of his beer, and then: ]
Though gods help me, if Rynlan spills coffee on me again I may well strangle him myself.
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