[When the memory is over, Filbo looks at Lu Bixing, seemingly at a loss of what to say. It takes about half a minute of trying to put his thoughts in order for him to say:]
...you...you really have quite the willpower, no? For better or for worse...
[Enough willpower to use himself for uncertain experiments, to not want to return to a more vulnerable state, to take the role of prime minister, for just being able to face others during such a clearly tense conversation...it's pretty mindboggling.
To think someone like him died and went to hell is a little bit tough to believe...because someone with such willpower feels like they would stay alive forever, really. Yet here he is]
this one's a little - it's not embarassing, but it's hard to see himself like that again. lu bixing's stiffer than usual, more tense, his often smiling face serious and dark. when filbo speaks, he glances to the side, and lets out a soft, humorless laugh, reaching up to rub a hand against his face. ]
[So sorry for the delay in replying, with everything going on since a few days ago it sure took a while, yup.
Filbo exhales when he hears Lu Bixing laugh. He feels...kind of tense, truthfully. Like he saw something he never was supposed to see. Some part of Lu Bixing that was meant to not be shown so...straightforward]
Um, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, it's just a question, but...
...was all that...something you always expected to do with your life?
[Prime Minister Lu Bixing, who apparently is willing to do quite a few hard things, and most likely did a lot more ever since that day. Him leading an academy sure feels a bit more natural. That part of him, what he heard in the memory, sure seems to fit the guy he has known during the stay in hell so far]
and oh, what a question. he glances over at filbo for a moment, folding his hands together in front of himself, and then... huffs a little bit of a laugh, shaking his head. ]
No. It was never something I wanted at all. Especially... [ ... especially after lin died, but, he doesn't say that, just shaking his head and cutting himself off. ] Sometimes, it's not about what you want to do, but what you have to do to help.
[ and then finally, with a small, rueful smile: ] ...It's okay. You can ask questions, if you want, Filbo. It's not rude.
It's still a lot, you know. Just...saddling yourself with responsibilities over others. i mean, you're Prime Minister Lu Bixing, and that's...pretty daunting.
Sometimes it goes great and you truly can do something to help, other times...well, it doesn't go well at all. [And unfortunately, Filbo sees his own efforts as the latter. Circumstances made it impossible] If you managed to make it work and you did help others even though it's all so heavy, then...I think it's admirable you took this onto yourself.
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[When the memory is over, Filbo looks at Lu Bixing, seemingly at a loss of what to say. It takes about half a minute of trying to put his thoughts in order for him to say:]
...you...you really have quite the willpower, no? For better or for worse...
[Enough willpower to use himself for uncertain experiments, to not want to return to a more vulnerable state, to take the role of prime minister, for just being able to face others during such a clearly tense conversation...it's pretty mindboggling.
To think someone like him died and went to hell is a little bit tough to believe...because someone with such willpower feels like they would stay alive forever, really. Yet here he is]
no subject
this one's a little - it's not embarassing, but it's hard to see himself like that again. lu bixing's stiffer than usual, more tense, his often smiling face serious and dark. when filbo speaks, he glances to the side, and lets out a soft, humorless laugh, reaching up to rub a hand against his face. ]
...Something like that.
no subject
Filbo exhales when he hears Lu Bixing laugh. He feels...kind of tense, truthfully. Like he saw something he never was supposed to see. Some part of Lu Bixing that was meant to not be shown so...straightforward]
Um, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, it's just a question, but...
...was all that...something you always expected to do with your life?
[Prime Minister Lu Bixing, who apparently is willing to do quite a few hard things, and most likely did a lot more ever since that day. Him leading an academy sure feels a bit more natural. That part of him, what he heard in the memory, sure seems to fit the guy he has known during the stay in hell so far]
no subject
and oh, what a question. he glances over at filbo for a moment, folding his hands together in front of himself, and then... huffs a little bit of a laugh, shaking his head. ]
No. It was never something I wanted at all. Especially... [ ... especially after lin died, but, he doesn't say that, just shaking his head and cutting himself off. ] Sometimes, it's not about what you want to do, but what you have to do to help.
[ and then finally, with a small, rueful smile: ] ...It's okay. You can ask questions, if you want, Filbo. It's not rude.
no subject
Sometimes it goes great and you truly can do something to help, other times...well, it doesn't go well at all. [And unfortunately, Filbo sees his own efforts as the latter. Circumstances made it impossible] If you managed to make it work and you did help others even though it's all so heavy, then...I think it's admirable you took this onto yourself.