It really was. Like I said- he was being stupid. Said he thought that if we couldn't find anyone, I might be the one voted for just because my blood was closest.
I let it go because I was worried that drawing attention to it would make things worse.
I let it go because we had an actual killer who was refusing to undress, and I knew he was being an idiot.
[ it's the same lecture he gave rynlan yesterday, really, but he seems a little more irritated here than he did, then. this actually struck a little bit of a nerve. ]
I don't find it to be particularly romantic, kind, or behavior that's particularly worth encouraging.
We've had that conversation, I-- he said he wasn't going to go off and try to sacrifice himself like that, but I suppose he just can't restrain himself.
No, you aren't. I wouldn't have let him for a second - whether people would listen to others about it or not, they'd likely listen to me.
[ and lu bixing would have been the first to point out that the blood excuse was stupid, and that he tended to rynlan's injuries himself and saw the state of them, and he wouldn't have for a moment let him get away with it if he noticed something was wrong, and he was the one to see and verify thancred's dumb injuries. he's an upstanding person and a figure of respect, and that, to lu bixing, is a successful solution. disprove with logic, instead of with hysteria, with emotion. with hard fact.
he shakes his head. ] Just once, I'd like to impress upon people that there is a life after loss for the person who still remains.
He's lived it, Bixing, I know he should know. He knows what it was like for me, too, he said he wouldn't do that to me again--
[it's more of an outburst, one he puts a stop to with a slightly ragged inhale. ugh.]
I just don't-- I don't understand. I don't know how he can have lost someone to the same kind of sacrifice and still insist on trying to make a martyr of himself.
...I know. I know they don't, and I know I'm the same in some ways. I understand things like him being annoyed that Mephisto took his time defending me, but what Thancred was doing is-- I just don't think I can understand it.
He said he'd have left it up to me, if it came to it.
[let him choose between potential death and letting thancred die instead. his ears flatten.]
... he reaches out for a moment, and pats him on the head. there there... ]
Living as a hermit's pretty terrible. Take it from me. [ what ] Besides, I don't think you could have predicted you'd be thrown into hell where there'd be weekly murders and that's a real possibility.
[ oh neat… he wants to ask a question about this but does not, letting them stay and looking slightly fascinated - especially because rynlan asks that.
he just hums, lightly, and scritches his nails gently through his hair. doesn’t that feel nice don’t ask questions ] Things happen. Haven’t you learned enough about my tragic backstory this weekend?
[ most people are just put off by his friendliness and light conversation changes in that regard. he skips over it easily. ] Well, everyone has parts of their life they're not particularly proud of.
[ he's mostly learned to not ask questions about scientific things that might be weird or invasive so he will not ask about these tentacle hairs even if he really wants to. maybe? we're learning.
and, in fact, after a moment, and really only because rynlan saw that memory of his... ]
I locked myself in my house alone for a hundred days after Lin and my father died.
[ so there you go.
(he doesn't add - it's not the first time, either, that he isolated himself from the world. it's just more recent.)]
[it's almost like they're petting him back, but the response is closer to something like an anemone reacting to stimulus.
he's quiet a moment, there.]
I would have, if I could. Got delayed on my end, had to wait until they released me, but after I went home-- didn't speak to anyone for a long time. Slept on the sofa for months too, I couldn't... the bedroom stayed locked.
[ haaah. he exhales a little sharply, fingers twitching, and looks away. ]
...The attic, for me. [ that's where the majority of lin's stuff was. but, it was the same - he slept on the couch, on his desk. never anywhere near his own bed. ] Did anyone pull you out of it?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I let it go because I was worried that drawing attention to it would make things worse.
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[ it's the same lecture he gave rynlan yesterday, really, but he seems a little more irritated here than he did, then. this actually struck a little bit of a nerve. ]
I don't find it to be particularly romantic, kind, or behavior that's particularly worth encouraging.
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[idiot of a gunbreaker.]
We've had that conversation, I-- he said he wasn't going to go off and try to sacrifice himself like that, but I suppose he just can't restrain himself.
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[ so. he gets it. he shakes his head, after a long moment, sips from his beer. ] No matter how many times you try and impress that into them.
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[ and lu bixing would have been the first to point out that the blood excuse was stupid, and that he tended to rynlan's injuries himself and saw the state of them, and he wouldn't have for a moment let him get away with it if he noticed something was wrong, and he was the one to see and verify thancred's dumb injuries. he's an upstanding person and a figure of respect, and that, to lu bixing, is a successful solution. disprove with logic, instead of with hysteria, with emotion. with hard fact.
he shakes his head. ] Just once, I'd like to impress upon people that there is a life after loss for the person who still remains.
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[it's more of an outburst, one he puts a stop to with a slightly ragged inhale. ugh.]
I just don't-- I don't understand. I don't know how he can have lost someone to the same kind of sacrifice and still insist on trying to make a martyr of himself.
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[ he says, eventually. unfortunately, he knows this by heart. ]
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He said he'd have left it up to me, if it came to it.
[let him choose between potential death and letting thancred die instead. his ears flatten.]
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[ lin's the same. ]
It's about a lack of trust in other people doing what needs to be done as much as it is a sense of responsibility both.
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Sometimes I think I missed my calling to go become some sort of hermit priest and never have to put up with this from people ever again.
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... he reaches out for a moment, and pats him on the head. there there... ]
Living as a hermit's pretty terrible. Take it from me. [ what ] Besides, I don't think you could have predicted you'd be thrown into hell where there'd be weekly murders and that's a real possibility.
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No, I couldn't have. Still.
[anyway-]
What do you mean, take it from you.
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he just hums, lightly, and scritches his nails gently through his hair. doesn’t that feel nice don’t ask questions ] Things happen. Haven’t you learned enough about my tragic backstory this weekend?
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You're allowed to just say you'd prefer not to talk about it, Bixing.
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Mmmhm.
[ most people are just put off by his friendliness and light conversation changes in that regard. he skips over it easily. ] Well, everyone has parts of their life they're not particularly proud of.
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[the tentacles remain curled loosely around his wrist and hand, shifting idly.]
...not like I'm fully unfamiliar with it, myself. I've spent plenty of time avoiding people.
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and, in fact, after a moment, and really only because rynlan saw that memory of his... ]
I locked myself in my house alone for a hundred days after Lin and my father died.
[ so there you go.
(he doesn't add - it's not the first time, either, that he isolated himself from the world. it's just more recent.)]
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he's quiet a moment, there.]
I would have, if I could. Got delayed on my end, had to wait until they released me, but after I went home-- didn't speak to anyone for a long time. Slept on the sofa for months too, I couldn't... the bedroom stayed locked.
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...The attic, for me. [ that's where the majority of lin's stuff was. but, it was the same - he slept on the couch, on his desk. never anywhere near his own bed. ] Did anyone pull you out of it?
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[he's still just splayed on the table, not lifting his head at all. the conversation's easiest that way.]