[ for a little while. lu bixing shifts how he's sitting, and turns around so he can lean his shoulder against the bars. not looking at her, now, just upwards, folding his hands into his lap. ]
Actually, I've noticed that before - that you listen to me a lot. The first time we went through this song and dance, I remember that someone said something to you, and you quoted back something I said to them. It made me really happy to hear it - I thought, she really listens to me. I still think so, and it still makes me happy.
And... when we spoke yesterday, you said something to me that stuck out to me too. You told me - Being made helpless and powerless compound the worst feelings. I can't help but think about that - I couldn't help it, really, especially at the end.
[ his head lolls a little to look at her now, properly, brows knit together. ]
...I'm sorry, that the world's been so cruel to you, Four, that it's made you feel this way. When you woke up, it must have felt so unfair. I can't even begin to imagine what that felt like.
because as horrible as four is, as much as she hates and curses the world, as much as she wants the entire world to end, for everything to be silent so she can't hear all the terrible thoughts in her mind, about how worthless she is, about how worthless everything is, she always has one fragile hope for someone to think the world is as unfair to her as she thinks it is.
she cracks, a little. ]
I hate my parents. My sisters and I took care each other, and my oldest sister.... she was the one who took care of me the most. She was the one I remember who comforted me the most when I was scared or hurt or sad, and do you know what that sister did in last year? Do you know what Zero did?
[ no, this is so hateful!!! pOINTS MY KNIFE AT YOU
a little bit of relief flickers across his face, when four finally lets go. she starts to unleash her emotions, and he listens, brows knit together, expression shifting to something just...sad. surprised, a bit, if the round eyes say anything, but they soothe out into something achingly sympathetic and hurt in response.
because that is unfair. it's cruel, and the way she speaks resonates with him so violently that it hurts. if he hadn't had monoeye hawk, back then... ]
That's brutal. [ honestly. ] How unbelievably cruel.
I tried to plead. I tried everything. I tried to run.
[ if there was anything left in her black hole of a heart, it became lost in the last year. ]
All I wanted to do was run! I didn't want to fight her! But I couldn't just fucking roll over. Because why should I? Why should I suffer because my sister wants to go on some fucking insane killing spree?
[ some laughter bubbles up, insane little giggles. ]
[ you know how sometimes you're like man my character would have something incredibly profound and important to say here but then you try to come up with that is and your brain's like that's rough, buddy. that's been me looking at this tag.
however lu bixing is not me, so. he lets her keep going - it actually sounds like maybe desperately she needs to get this off of her chest, particularly when the giggles start, and though he watches her quietly, there's no judgement or anything on his face. that same sadness, genuine, stays, and it takes a while for him to speak up again, waiting to make sure she's finished. ]
You shouldn't. [ he echoes, calm and quiet. that much is true. ] And then, to wake up here...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ she crosses her arms, as if that changes anything. ]
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[ for a little while. lu bixing shifts how he's sitting, and turns around so he can lean his shoulder against the bars. not looking at her, now, just upwards, folding his hands into his lap. ]
Actually, I've noticed that before - that you listen to me a lot. The first time we went through this song and dance, I remember that someone said something to you, and you quoted back something I said to them. It made me really happy to hear it - I thought, she really listens to me. I still think so, and it still makes me happy.
And... when we spoke yesterday, you said something to me that stuck out to me too. You told me - Being made helpless and powerless compound the worst feelings. I can't help but think about that - I couldn't help it, really, especially at the end.
[ his head lolls a little to look at her now, properly, brows knit together. ]
...I'm sorry, that the world's been so cruel to you, Four, that it's made you feel this way. When you woke up, it must have felt so unfair. I can't even begin to imagine what that felt like.
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because as horrible as four is, as much as she hates and curses the world, as much as she wants the entire world to end, for everything to be silent so she can't hear all the terrible thoughts in her mind, about how worthless she is, about how worthless everything is, she always has one fragile hope for someone to think the world is as unfair to her as she thinks it is.
she cracks, a little. ]
I hate my parents. My sisters and I took care each other, and my oldest sister.... she was the one who took care of me the most. She was the one I remember who comforted me the most when I was scared or hurt or sad, and do you know what that sister did in last year? Do you know what Zero did?
Do you know how I died?
My dear sister Zero who I idolized murdered me!
no subject
a little bit of relief flickers across his face, when four finally lets go. she starts to unleash her emotions, and he listens, brows knit together, expression shifting to something just...sad. surprised, a bit, if the round eyes say anything, but they soothe out into something achingly sympathetic and hurt in response.
because that is unfair. it's cruel, and the way she speaks resonates with him so violently that it hurts. if he hadn't had monoeye hawk, back then... ]
That's brutal. [ honestly. ] How unbelievably cruel.
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[ if there was anything left in her black hole of a heart, it became lost in the last year. ]
All I wanted to do was run! I didn't want to fight her! But I couldn't just fucking roll over. Because why should I? Why should I suffer because my sister wants to go on some fucking insane killing spree?
[ some laughter bubbles up, insane little giggles. ]
I shouldn't. I shouldn't!
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however lu bixing is not me, so. he lets her keep going - it actually sounds like maybe desperately she needs to get this off of her chest, particularly when the giggles start, and though he watches her quietly, there's no judgement or anything on his face. that same sadness, genuine, stays, and it takes a while for him to speak up again, waiting to make sure she's finished. ]
You shouldn't. [ he echoes, calm and quiet. that much is true. ] And then, to wake up here...
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I wasn't surprised.
[ she shrugs. ]
What's the point?