that's the question lu bixing has been asking himself, too. it's been a long time since the execution, and he's had nothing but time to think about it. nothing but time to reflect, each week of their executions, on that stage and the shadows, on the cruelty of this place as a whole. and ultimately, it comes down to the same answer he came to the first night.
because he was the cruelest choice.
bixing hates it too. it breaks his heart into pieces when four's voice cracks, and instinctually, almost, he takes a step forward, a little closer to her, hands curling at his sides to keep himself from reaching out. he wouldn't have even hesitated, weeks ago, but the execution itself was like a wedge. even he's lost for words for a moment with the weight of emotions, and bixing bites the inside of his cheek before he starts. ]
...I know. [ it comes out a little rougher with that weight, not meanly so, but heavy. she doesn't have to finish. he knows her trauma - he knows what happened to her, knows why lu bixing of all people standing across the way was the most brutal choice. ]
I can't - I don't blame you. [ that first. not for the conflict of emotions, not for the more negative ones, either. his hands curl at his sides, again, just once. ] And I don't want to rush you, or force you, but I ...
[ and then, he eventually holds them out, palm up. open trust. ]
...as far as I'm concerned, I'll be here. When you're ready and when you're not, I'll still be here. It's okay, if you're scared, but... if you want to reach out to me, I promise you, I'll always reach back.
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that's the question lu bixing has been asking himself, too. it's been a long time since the execution, and he's had nothing but time to think about it. nothing but time to reflect, each week of their executions, on that stage and the shadows, on the cruelty of this place as a whole. and ultimately, it comes down to the same answer he came to the first night.
because he was the cruelest choice.
bixing hates it too. it breaks his heart into pieces when four's voice cracks, and instinctually, almost, he takes a step forward, a little closer to her, hands curling at his sides to keep himself from reaching out. he wouldn't have even hesitated, weeks ago, but the execution itself was like a wedge. even he's lost for words for a moment with the weight of emotions, and bixing bites the inside of his cheek before he starts. ]
...I know. [ it comes out a little rougher with that weight, not meanly so, but heavy. she doesn't have to finish. he knows her trauma - he knows what happened to her, knows why lu bixing of all people standing across the way was the most brutal choice. ]
I can't - I don't blame you. [ that first. not for the conflict of emotions, not for the more negative ones, either. his hands curl at his sides, again, just once. ] And I don't want to rush you, or force you, but I ...
[ and then, he eventually holds them out, palm up. open trust. ]
...as far as I'm concerned, I'll be here. When you're ready and when you're not, I'll still be here. It's okay, if you're scared, but... if you want to reach out to me, I promise you, I'll always reach back.