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[ it has been a very, very rough couple of days. lu bixing sees four when he comes back in - when she calls out to him, and after a moment, makes his way over and sits down beside her on the couch without any hesitation.
right now, four needs him, and right now, he'll be there. still, there's a soft sort of sadness on his face, the empathetic worry and concern that comes from the heart.]
I think it's likely. [ which is the worst. ] ...I don't know. I wish we could solve it, and not jump to the extremes of Sunday. I want to know what happened to her, but not with any of the dog and pony shows.
right now, four needs him, and right now, he'll be there. still, there's a soft sort of sadness on his face, the empathetic worry and concern that comes from the heart.]
I think it's likely. [ which is the worst. ] ...I don't know. I wish we could solve it, and not jump to the extremes of Sunday. I want to know what happened to her, but not with any of the dog and pony shows.
[ she sees his sadness, and her brows furrow. he really does care so much, doesn't he?
she stifles a sigh. ]
It's quite the spectacle, isn't it? Too much work for so little gain.... I'd like to do away with it, too. [ she shifts to face him a bit more ] I'm sorry, Lu Bixing. You usually had her book with you, didn't you?
she stifles a sigh. ]
It's quite the spectacle, isn't it? Too much work for so little gain.... I'd like to do away with it, too. [ she shifts to face him a bit more ] I'm sorry, Lu Bixing. You usually had her book with you, didn't you?
[ lu bixing smiles at that, but it's like. it is the saddest smile in the world, as he says, plaintive; ]
...I finished it, last night. I was looking for a distraction after - after everything, and I read the end of it and couldn't put it down. I was looking forward to talking with her about it, today.
...I finished it, last night. I was looking for a distraction after - after everything, and I read the end of it and couldn't put it down. I was looking forward to talking with her about it, today.
[ he makes a soft noise, agreeing. yeah. someone took her away. ]
...Truthfully, I've been dreading the idea that this could happen again for more reasons than one. [ he fusses, for a moment, at the edge of his sleeve. the same thing he did last week, the same nervous tic. ] I - once, I lost two important people to me. I'd been knocked out on purpose, and even though I tried to fight off the anesthesia, I couldn't. When I came to again, they were both dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
[ so how traumatizing is this? how bad is it, to relive the same night over and over, the desperate clawing for his own consciousness, to wake up and know there was nothing - nothing you could've done. just a message from someone else that someone you care about is dead. it explains the relief when he checked on four last week on friday, and now, the reaction today.
there's a short pause as the words drop out of his mouth, like a cliff, before lu bixing exhales out, noisily, and scrubs a hand over his face. ] ...I'm sorry, Four. I don't mean to put all of that on you.
...Truthfully, I've been dreading the idea that this could happen again for more reasons than one. [ he fusses, for a moment, at the edge of his sleeve. the same thing he did last week, the same nervous tic. ] I - once, I lost two important people to me. I'd been knocked out on purpose, and even though I tried to fight off the anesthesia, I couldn't. When I came to again, they were both dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
[ so how traumatizing is this? how bad is it, to relive the same night over and over, the desperate clawing for his own consciousness, to wake up and know there was nothing - nothing you could've done. just a message from someone else that someone you care about is dead. it explains the relief when he checked on four last week on friday, and now, the reaction today.
there's a short pause as the words drop out of his mouth, like a cliff, before lu bixing exhales out, noisily, and scrubs a hand over his face. ] ...I'm sorry, Four. I don't mean to put all of that on you.
[ she shakes her head, and she brings up a hand to her eyes. she takes a small, shaky breath. ]
No, please don't apologize. Thank you for telling me. That's... [ what can she say in response? it's a terrible experience to have to relive. it's not a trauma she knows personally, but she can try to understand. ]
Being made helpless and powerless compounds the worst feelings, and I don't think loss ever gets easier. This truly is Hell for you. I don't know how to make it better.
No, please don't apologize. Thank you for telling me. That's... [ what can she say in response? it's a terrible experience to have to relive. it's not a trauma she knows personally, but she can try to understand. ]
Being made helpless and powerless compounds the worst feelings, and I don't think loss ever gets easier. This truly is Hell for you. I don't know how to make it better.
[ noo baby girl. he starts feeling around in his breast pockets, and - after a moment, comes up with a pack of tissues. lu bixing takes one out and presses it into her hand. ]
It's okay. [ genuinely at least, as he turns his face to four. thankful. ] I think even having someone like you around helps, you know. Thank you for listening.
It's okay. [ genuinely at least, as he turns his face to four. thankful. ] I think even having someone like you around helps, you know. Thank you for listening.
[ he matches the smile back, though - thankful, warm and tired. ]
I think you've got the best of it. What matters is we all made it back alive and relatively, for the most part, unscathed.
[ and stayed alive. unlike lowe who i have to fight.
but it makes him happy to hear that, too - lu bixing has grown so fond of four, already, so he touches his heart with one hand, just a little bit dramatic, a little playfully. ] If there's one thing I'm decent at, it's solving mysteries. Especially ones with bad science! And with people like you relying on me, I'll make even more sure to stay okay.
I think you've got the best of it. What matters is we all made it back alive and relatively, for the most part, unscathed.
[ and stayed alive. unlike lowe who i have to fight.
but it makes him happy to hear that, too - lu bixing has grown so fond of four, already, so he touches his heart with one hand, just a little bit dramatic, a little playfully. ] If there's one thing I'm decent at, it's solving mysteries. Especially ones with bad science! And with people like you relying on me, I'll make even more sure to stay okay.
[ looking at my own pc image and just feeling so much rage
anyway. it doesn't take too long for lu bixing to come find four. he shuts the door to Jail quietly, letting it click shut behind him, and when he comes in, even despite everything, he still has a small, tired smile for her, voice soft. ]
...Hi, Four.
anyway. it doesn't take too long for lu bixing to come find four. he shuts the door to Jail quietly, letting it click shut behind him, and when he comes in, even despite everything, he still has a small, tired smile for her, voice soft. ]
...Hi, Four.
...Then, maybe you'll listen to me.
[ for a little while. lu bixing shifts how he's sitting, and turns around so he can lean his shoulder against the bars. not looking at her, now, just upwards, folding his hands into his lap. ]
Actually, I've noticed that before - that you listen to me a lot. The first time we went through this song and dance, I remember that someone said something to you, and you quoted back something I said to them. It made me really happy to hear it - I thought, she really listens to me. I still think so, and it still makes me happy.
And... when we spoke yesterday, you said something to me that stuck out to me too. You told me - Being made helpless and powerless compound the worst feelings. I can't help but think about that - I couldn't help it, really, especially at the end.
[ his head lolls a little to look at her now, properly, brows knit together. ]
...I'm sorry, that the world's been so cruel to you, Four, that it's made you feel this way. When you woke up, it must have felt so unfair. I can't even begin to imagine what that felt like.
[ for a little while. lu bixing shifts how he's sitting, and turns around so he can lean his shoulder against the bars. not looking at her, now, just upwards, folding his hands into his lap. ]
Actually, I've noticed that before - that you listen to me a lot. The first time we went through this song and dance, I remember that someone said something to you, and you quoted back something I said to them. It made me really happy to hear it - I thought, she really listens to me. I still think so, and it still makes me happy.
And... when we spoke yesterday, you said something to me that stuck out to me too. You told me - Being made helpless and powerless compound the worst feelings. I can't help but think about that - I couldn't help it, really, especially at the end.
[ his head lolls a little to look at her now, properly, brows knit together. ]
...I'm sorry, that the world's been so cruel to you, Four, that it's made you feel this way. When you woke up, it must have felt so unfair. I can't even begin to imagine what that felt like.
[ this is so hateful.
because as horrible as four is, as much as she hates and curses the world, as much as she wants the entire world to end, for everything to be silent so she can't hear all the terrible thoughts in her mind, about how worthless she is, about how worthless everything is, she always has one fragile hope for someone to think the world is as unfair to her as she thinks it is.
she cracks, a little. ]
I hate my parents. My sisters and I took care each other, and my oldest sister.... she was the one who took care of me the most. She was the one I remember who comforted me the most when I was scared or hurt or sad, and do you know what that sister did in last year? Do you know what Zero did?
Do you know how I died?
My dear sister Zero who I idolized murdered me!
because as horrible as four is, as much as she hates and curses the world, as much as she wants the entire world to end, for everything to be silent so she can't hear all the terrible thoughts in her mind, about how worthless she is, about how worthless everything is, she always has one fragile hope for someone to think the world is as unfair to her as she thinks it is.
she cracks, a little. ]
I hate my parents. My sisters and I took care each other, and my oldest sister.... she was the one who took care of me the most. She was the one I remember who comforted me the most when I was scared or hurt or sad, and do you know what that sister did in last year? Do you know what Zero did?
Do you know how I died?
My dear sister Zero who I idolized murdered me!
[ no, this is so hateful!!! pOINTS MY KNIFE AT YOU
a little bit of relief flickers across his face, when four finally lets go. she starts to unleash her emotions, and he listens, brows knit together, expression shifting to something just...sad. surprised, a bit, if the round eyes say anything, but they soothe out into something achingly sympathetic and hurt in response.
because that is unfair. it's cruel, and the way she speaks resonates with him so violently that it hurts. if he hadn't had monoeye hawk, back then... ]
That's brutal. [ honestly. ] How unbelievably cruel.
a little bit of relief flickers across his face, when four finally lets go. she starts to unleash her emotions, and he listens, brows knit together, expression shifting to something just...sad. surprised, a bit, if the round eyes say anything, but they soothe out into something achingly sympathetic and hurt in response.
because that is unfair. it's cruel, and the way she speaks resonates with him so violently that it hurts. if he hadn't had monoeye hawk, back then... ]
That's brutal. [ honestly. ] How unbelievably cruel.
I tried to plead. I tried everything. I tried to run.
[ if there was anything left in her black hole of a heart, it became lost in the last year. ]
All I wanted to do was run! I didn't want to fight her! But I couldn't just fucking roll over. Because why should I? Why should I suffer because my sister wants to go on some fucking insane killing spree?
[ some laughter bubbles up, insane little giggles. ]
I shouldn't. I shouldn't!
[ if there was anything left in her black hole of a heart, it became lost in the last year. ]
All I wanted to do was run! I didn't want to fight her! But I couldn't just fucking roll over. Because why should I? Why should I suffer because my sister wants to go on some fucking insane killing spree?
[ some laughter bubbles up, insane little giggles. ]
I shouldn't. I shouldn't!
[ you know how sometimes you're like man my character would have something incredibly profound and important to say here but then you try to come up with that is and your brain's like that's rough, buddy. that's been me looking at this tag.
however lu bixing is not me, so. he lets her keep going - it actually sounds like maybe desperately she needs to get this off of her chest, particularly when the giggles start, and though he watches her quietly, there's no judgement or anything on his face. that same sadness, genuine, stays, and it takes a while for him to speak up again, waiting to make sure she's finished. ]
You shouldn't. [ he echoes, calm and quiet. that much is true. ] And then, to wake up here...
however lu bixing is not me, so. he lets her keep going - it actually sounds like maybe desperately she needs to get this off of her chest, particularly when the giggles start, and though he watches her quietly, there's no judgement or anything on his face. that same sadness, genuine, stays, and it takes a while for him to speak up again, waiting to make sure she's finished. ]
You shouldn't. [ he echoes, calm and quiet. that much is true. ] And then, to wake up here...
[ she isn't really looking for anyone she hasn't seen in weeks, but lu bixing is embarrassing and her luck dictates that she'll run into him sooner or later, so when she does end up seeing him, she just stands there.
:person_standing: and hoping that now that everyone is out of baby hell that voice messages go out into the void and aren't delivered.
lu bixing has ten seconds to notice her before she runs away. ]
:person_standing: and hoping that now that everyone is out of baby hell that voice messages go out into the void and aren't delivered.
lu bixing has ten seconds to notice her before she runs away. ]
[ thank god because uh he's looking for four like, immediately. like right away!! the first deda he is looking for!!!
and when he sees her, lu bixing makes this soft, sharp, surprised noise, and - ] Four!
[ sorry he's HURRYING over. could he always move that fast? it's fine, don't worry about it. the expression on bixing's face could be best described as achingly relieved and gentle and happy, all at once, as he hurries through the crowd. he's also at least 40% worried she's going to run away. ]
and when he sees her, lu bixing makes this soft, sharp, surprised noise, and - ] Four!
[ sorry he's HURRYING over. could he always move that fast? it's fine, don't worry about it. the expression on bixing's face could be best described as achingly relieved and gentle and happy, all at once, as he hurries through the crowd. he's also at least 40% worried she's going to run away. ]
[ she's unnerfed and is ready to run away at superspeed, but she thinks he will keep looking for her, so she stays. for now.
she doesn't know how to react to his expression. it's nice to see, but also... it hurts in a way. it wasn't his fault he was there, but she can't forget she died (again) by his hand. ]
... Weren't you injured last week?
she doesn't know how to react to his expression. it's nice to see, but also... it hurts in a way. it wasn't his fault he was there, but she can't forget she died (again) by his hand. ]
... Weren't you injured last week?
[ he will yeah! and then he'll start wheezing again and no one wants that
and the question stops him at first, keeps him from reaching out, which is good because even the ever confident lu bixing isn't sure right away if it's the right thing to do. after all, their last meeting was that execution. after everything she went through, he had to be the one to deliver her final blow.
four will see, at least, when he lifts his arms that he does wince a little because bixing is a giant weenie about pain but. ]
Mm - yeah. I still - [ bixing's hands fall away, and he reaches up to gently touch the edges of his ribs over his suit jacket. ] Someone healed me some, I think.
[ thank god because he's way too squishy but, as he looks back up, he gives her a smile - a little wet, but plaintive and open, too, as his shoulders slump now that he's caught up. this is more important. ] ...I'm so glad to see you.
and the question stops him at first, keeps him from reaching out, which is good because even the ever confident lu bixing isn't sure right away if it's the right thing to do. after all, their last meeting was that execution. after everything she went through, he had to be the one to deliver her final blow.
four will see, at least, when he lifts his arms that he does wince a little because bixing is a giant weenie about pain but. ]
Mm - yeah. I still - [ bixing's hands fall away, and he reaches up to gently touch the edges of his ribs over his suit jacket. ] Someone healed me some, I think.
[ thank god because he's way too squishy but, as he looks back up, he gives her a smile - a little wet, but plaintive and open, too, as his shoulders slump now that he's caught up. this is more important. ] ...I'm so glad to see you.
[ she wonders idly, if the rules that apply to the double dead apply to the single dead, but the last thing he says makes her freeze and lose that thought.
her expression crumples a little in the way a stupid teenager doesn't know how to process emotions. four is so weak to being shown affection, but she's so unhinged. she takes a shaky breath. ]
.... Why?
[ why would he be glad to see her again? ]
her expression crumples a little in the way a stupid teenager doesn't know how to process emotions. four is so weak to being shown affection, but she's so unhinged. she takes a shaky breath. ]
.... Why?
[ why would he be glad to see her again? ]
[ my murderous cat considers murdering me again
the look on her face breaks his heart, a little. lu bixing bites his lip, and.. if there's one thing you can always count on, from lu bixing, it's his honesty. ]
Because I missed you terribly.
[ it's the same honesty that comes across in his voicemails, unless they've been terribly censored, the same genuine, plaintive warmth that colors his every reaction. that even after they've been through the worst of the worst together - that he saw four at arguably her worst, his opinion on her hasn't changed at all. ]
the look on her face breaks his heart, a little. lu bixing bites his lip, and.. if there's one thing you can always count on, from lu bixing, it's his honesty. ]
Because I missed you terribly.
[ it's the same honesty that comes across in his voicemails, unless they've been terribly censored, the same genuine, plaintive warmth that colors his every reaction. that even after they've been through the worst of the worst together - that he saw four at arguably her worst, his opinion on her hasn't changed at all. ]
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