he fell and lin jingheng knows precisely what it means here and now. so he holds fast to him and he makes sure he's steady here next to him, an arm around him with care as he looks at him. he's trying not to let the dam crumble just yet. he doesn't hate him, how could he hate him when he hears that? if anything
he hates himself.
but he's fine with stowing that in the back of his mind, pushing forward through it all with a gently touch of temple to temple, closing his eyes finally and letting out a soft breath. he witnessed lu bixing's slow-motion car crash of a breakdown in the span of what felt like years but was only a short film. it tore through him like a seam ripper, taking his guts apart, impactful snip after snip. he shakes his head. ]
Lu Bixing... [ defiant. ] Lu Bixing, please...
[ he clutches him gingerly, his shirt in his hands now as he climbs in closer. ] Stay with me. I'm not... I won't go.
[ i'm so fucking scared of you i swear to god im going to also jump off of a cliff
he fell. he promised prime minister edward eight times. wondered, sometimes, what he would have done, if he didn't make it. if his eighth hatch mark would lead to the destruction of the galaxies, to the unleashing of an army of super soldiers, to his own sanity spiraling into utter despair. it led to something simpler. a leap. a fall.
waking up.
lu bixing take a breath, too. short, sharp, almost a gasp, like he has to force himself to remember, again. focus. focus. focus. this isn't how it happens.
when jingheng comes closer, bixing makes a soft, choked off noise. he lifts his arms, and moves them up, over jingheng's shoulders, slowly, even if it pulls the muscles, even if it hurts, and curls them tight around his shoulders. he hiccups, even if it hurts. feels the tears well up in his remaining eye, and he turns his head against his shoulder and whispers, strained and broken into pieces, like he'd been weeks and weeks ago.]
Please don't.
[ don't leave me. please don't leave me. ] I can't - I can't, I can't do it without you. I can't. I know I can't.
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he fell and lin jingheng knows precisely what it means here and now. so he holds fast to him and he makes sure he's steady here next to him, an arm around him with care as he looks at him. he's trying not to let the dam crumble just yet. he doesn't hate him, how could he hate him when he hears that? if anything
he hates himself.
but he's fine with stowing that in the back of his mind, pushing forward through it all with a gently touch of temple to temple, closing his eyes finally and letting out a soft breath. he witnessed lu bixing's slow-motion car crash of a breakdown in the span of what felt like years but was only a short film. it tore through him like a seam ripper, taking his guts apart, impactful snip after snip. he shakes his head. ]
Lu Bixing... [ defiant. ] Lu Bixing, please...
[ he clutches him gingerly, his shirt in his hands now as he climbs in closer. ] Stay with me. I'm not... I won't go.
It's not real, I won't leave you.
no subject
he fell. he promised prime minister edward eight times. wondered, sometimes, what he would have done, if he didn't make it. if his eighth hatch mark would lead to the destruction of the galaxies, to the unleashing of an army of super soldiers, to his own sanity spiraling into utter despair. it led to something simpler. a leap. a fall.
waking up.
lu bixing take a breath, too. short, sharp, almost a gasp, like he has to force himself to remember, again. focus. focus. focus. this isn't how it happens.
when jingheng comes closer, bixing makes a soft, choked off noise. he lifts his arms, and moves them up, over jingheng's shoulders, slowly, even if it pulls the muscles, even if it hurts, and curls them tight around his shoulders. he hiccups, even if it hurts. feels the tears well up in his remaining eye, and he turns his head against his shoulder and whispers, strained and broken into pieces, like he'd been weeks and weeks ago.]
Please don't.
[ don't leave me. please don't leave me. ] I can't - I can't, I can't do it without you. I can't. I know I can't.