well that fucking sucked. that sucked just as bad as last week. lu bixing is exhausted, but he finds lin jingheng and takes his hand, and takes him far, far away from gehenna and the dorms, and away somewhere where they can just, sit and be left alone.
he settles them on the dock, and then just sits down, sighs, and reaches into his pocket for a tiny satchel. inside of it is... a lighter and some good kush, because frankly, he's so tired and so sad and this is just. how he dealt with it, for thirteen years. right now, he just wants to press his face into lin and never move away, so he's going to settle in and just press his face to his shoulder and hold still there before he does literally anything. ]
[ oh this is actually soft wow i love him anyways, yeah, lin will follow him, tripping into his steps at some point. it doesn't matter where they go, so long as he doesn't have to leave lu bixing's side. his fingers clutch at him and as they draw near the docks, a breath leaves him, crisp and clear, just oxygen.
as they sit down, lin jingheng turns his eyes towards the sky a hand resting over lu bixing's waist, feeling the way he burrows into him. his lungs heave, and it feels alive, it feels human. he clutches a little tightly at his jacket, and turns inwards, covering him, holding him close.
that's hell, isn't it? it's supposed to be torture like this. hell for lin jingheng is a no-win scenario, the scales always tipping into fire no matter how quickly you climb or how far you push your boulder. he lifts the arm around lu bixing's waist and shifts to slide fingers through his hair, to draw him close and kiss the top of his head softly. ]
[ yeah, it doesn't matter - they are not going to be in either of those rooms, right now. lu bixing can't stand looking at his own. can't stand looking at the mess that's half lavi's. can't stand thinking about how much lavi has done for him. can't think about it. just can't.
as lin melts into his side, it breaks lu bixing's heart, a little. he hooks his arm up to wrap around him, and tugs him in, too. the kiss to the top of the head makes his heart hurt further, and he turns to return the favor, to kiss his temple. ]
[ he won't do it again you simply cannot make him. instead, he will just press against him, as though the pressure will make the awful things about today simply flutter away like ash off a match. he will accept the kiss to his temple briefly, eyes fluttering shut for the briefest sensation of peace before he reaches into his pocket and begins to sit up, still shoulder to shoulder, but freeing them both a little. ]
Smoke your herb and light me up... [ placing a cigarette between his lips. his eyes are soft as they gaze earnestly at lu bixing in the silence between them both. ]
[ he laughs, a little, at that. soft, wet in the back of his throat. ]
Not going to scold me? [ uriel scolding lin had been a little funny, earlier. he still remembers the way lin jingheng found those track marks and it makes his skin crawl, and something in him fidgets uncomfortably (he's going to know who you were and he's going to hate you for it, lu bixing, unlovable that you've become) but he pushes it aside with the memory of lin jingheng's insistent reminders from weeks before and takes a deep breath.
... he will, though, carefully going to light his own up with a flick of the lighter, and then turning his head. just enough to touch the softly burning tip to lin's cigarette, holding it lightly between his fingertips until they catch, and only pulling away afterwards it's lit, barely enough. he likes the way the fire lights up lin's eyes, and likes the smell of the smoke - moreso than any drug, really. it's comforting.
he takes a pull from his own and lets it go, lets the smoke curl loose in his lungs before he exhales. ]
[ lin jingheng remains still throughout the process, leaned back on one arm and gazing upwards until he hears the snap of the lighter and sits up a bit more. he focuses on the way the fire catches, flicking his gaze up just once for a moment to catch lu bixing staring at him in the way he does, like he hasn't brought him misery upon misery, disaster scenarios laid at his feet.
he takes a long pull from his cigarette and falls back slowly against the dock, one arm behind his head, his lungs feeling so much smaller, incapable of breathing anything in, even the smoke and tar. ]
Scold you, hm? You make a poor example, it's true. [ but a forced, small tug at his lips. ] But who really gives a shit?
[ he watches lin flop backwards for a moment, and just feels this tiny rush of warmth. even after everything - the smell of cigarette smoke hitting him in the face has made him feel like he's home, in a way that no hologram could ever replenish, in a way that no memory could ever replenish. for all of the pain and suffering right now, he can focus his blinkered attention on lin jingheng and let it take his mind away.
holding onto the joint in one hand, he leans down to plant the other near lin jingheng's head, leaning just a little over him. ]
A lot of people. [ when you're the prime minister of the eighth? everyone. no one beside zhanlu and - well, in his delusions, he'd say no one besides zhanlu ever saw him at his worst, but prime minister edward knew. but, lin's right. here, it doesn't really matter.
he's too tired and sad to really joke about it, but he's fine, like this, for now. ] You were the one who got scolded, anyway. [ by miss uriel....... ]
[ he reaches up, leaving the cigarette between his lips and pushes just a little bit of lu bixing's hair back behind his ear. he admires him here, haloed by what light they have. he watches him overhead, unsure of how exactly he ought to feel. relieved? mournful? some combination of both? he wonders, for a moment, if they can sleep somewhere else tonight and doesn't bother asking. instead: ]
That's because Uriel doesn't know you're cheeky brat doing naughty things like smoking.
[ a beat ]
Unless she does, then she's just playing favorites.
[ he says this with a little smile, soft. tired, but still there, as he tilts his head into the fingertips that tuck his hair back, nuzzling into lin jingheng's hand wholesale, eyes closed.
(he doesn't say she reminds me so much of captain turan, because that wound still hurts like a fresh, open stab. he's not forgiven her. he's not sure he ever could. but maybe, with lin, he could... maybe. maybe. )
fate is always so cruel. haven't they both learned this lesson, by now? lu bixing's starting to become numb, to loss. he has to find his solace like this, in these little moments that remind him that they're both still here. ]
And you like that I'm cheeky. [ he turns his head a little, presses a kiss to his palm. ] So in that case, I win.
[ despite everything that happened today, that smile, those words, make his heart explode into butterflies.
lu bixing leans over into the forehead touch gesture, eyes fluttering shut, and exhales out. content, as he can be, right now, as some of the tension leaks out of his shoulders. ]
Hmmm?
[ because lin's words are always worth saying, too ]
[ but it doesn't seem like he minds... slowly gripping his shoulders and pressing forward, pinning how beside him to the dock, his eyes trained on him. ]
Please.
Kiss me.
[ his hands slide upwards, holding his face in earnest, thumbs stroking his cheeks. he bites his tongue, holds still as stone. he waits. ]
how can he say no to that? god. not in a million years. whatever he was going to say dies in a half laugh half exhale noise and his cheeks flush underneath lin jingheng's hands. lu bixing almost never stops talking, but it's only lin who can make him lose all of his words in a millisecond, and he swallows the butterflies that have taken the place of his vocal chords and nods.
and presses into his hands, and then ducks forward, and kisses him. soft, sweet and lingering, relishing, easily dropping his weight down to cage lin in and press as close to him as possible, almost needily, even now, still desperate for those little presses of affection like they're brand new again. ]
lin jingheng isn't afraid of the openness of the air around them right now, he's not anxious of anyone happening upon them, because right now there's a heliocentricity to lu boxing, the mad genius and young man (even after all this time).
it's been a long time, and each touch feels like it warms over long frostbitten nerves under his skin. he lets him crowd him against the dock and he smiles, a small, satisfied thing when they kiss that imprints itself on lu bixing's lips.
he just holds tightly to him, fingers digging slightly into his shirt. ]
[ this is hell, right? a little sinning is allowed, as a treat? in this case, that sinning might be something like this, again, kissing lin jingheng under an artificial sky. he asked, after all, and it does such an excellent job at restarting his brain chemistry that he's taking the distraction for everything that it is. taking in the sweetness of the fact that he can kiss lin at all.
he holds it, makes a soft noise when he feels lin smile against his mouth, and readjusts so that he can run his fingers through the soft black of his hair, turning his face a little to kiss him again, to linger, a little longer. a little deeper, greedy for it, greedy for the feeling of lin holding onto him, for both of their dear lives.
he only stops after a second kiss, a third, and only enough to mumble against his mouth, enough to be felt. ] I love you.
[ this is hell and they are definitely allowed to sin just a little more. like what's gonna happen, more hell? they've already been through that.
the fingers through his hair earn a soft sound, a subtle sigh that skims over lu bixing's lips as he lets his hands trail down his shoulder blades, his ribs, down to thumb at his waist. the reality is, they're still here and breathing, and he's done fearing the worst. he turns away from the anxiety bubbling in the back of his skull, just in time to hear lu bixing murmur words softly against his mouth.
he presses their foreheads together, brow knit. it could be bruising, it might be, he just wants to be close, craving the proximity as one of his legs hooks around lu bixing's. his cigarette is burning out between his knuckles, but the smell keeps him comfortable, calm, winding around lu bixing like an eager serpent. ]
Don't go anywhere.
[ the irony, of lin jingheng having to say that. saying that at all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w2, saturday.
well that fucking sucked. that sucked just as bad as last week. lu bixing is exhausted, but he finds lin jingheng and takes his hand, and takes him far, far away from gehenna and the dorms, and away somewhere where they can just, sit and be left alone.
he settles them on the dock, and then just sits down, sighs, and reaches into his pocket for a tiny satchel. inside of it is... a lighter and some good kush, because frankly, he's so tired and so sad and this is just. how he dealt with it, for thirteen years. right now, he just wants to press his face into lin and never move away, so he's going to settle in and just press his face to his shoulder and hold still there before he does literally anything. ]
i hate us
as they sit down, lin jingheng turns his eyes towards the sky a hand resting over lu bixing's waist, feeling the way he burrows into him. his lungs heave, and it feels alive, it feels human. he clutches a little tightly at his jacket, and turns inwards, covering him, holding him close.
that's hell, isn't it? it's supposed to be torture like this. hell for lin jingheng is a no-win scenario, the scales always tipping into fire no matter how quickly you climb or how far you push your boulder. he lifts the arm around lu bixing's waist and shifts to slide fingers through his hair, to draw him close and kiss the top of his head softly. ]
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as lin melts into his side, it breaks lu bixing's heart, a little. he hooks his arm up to wrap around him, and tugs him in, too. the kiss to the top of the head makes his heart hurt further, and he turns to return the favor, to kiss his temple. ]
You can cry, Commander. [ quietly. ] It's okay.
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[ he says it very softly. ]
Enough.
[ he won't do it again you simply cannot make him. instead, he will just press against him, as though the pressure will make the awful things about today simply flutter away like ash off a match. he will accept the kiss to his temple briefly, eyes fluttering shut for the briefest sensation of peace before he reaches into his pocket and begins to sit up, still shoulder to shoulder, but freeing them both a little. ]
Smoke your herb and light me up... [ placing a cigarette between his lips. his eyes are soft as they gaze earnestly at lu bixing in the silence between them both. ]
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Not going to scold me? [ uriel scolding lin had been a little funny, earlier. he still remembers the way lin jingheng found those track marks and it makes his skin crawl, and something in him fidgets uncomfortably (he's going to know who you were and he's going to hate you for it, lu bixing, unlovable that you've become) but he pushes it aside with the memory of lin jingheng's insistent reminders from weeks before and takes a deep breath.
... he will, though, carefully going to light his own up with a flick of the lighter, and then turning his head. just enough to touch the softly burning tip to lin's cigarette, holding it lightly between his fingertips until they catch, and only pulling away afterwards it's lit, barely enough. he likes the way the fire lights up lin's eyes, and likes the smell of the smoke - moreso than any drug, really. it's comforting.
he takes a pull from his own and lets it go, lets the smoke curl loose in his lungs before he exhales. ]
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he takes a long pull from his cigarette and falls back slowly against the dock, one arm behind his head, his lungs feeling so much smaller, incapable of breathing anything in, even the smoke and tar. ]
Scold you, hm? You make a poor example, it's true. [ but a forced, small tug at his lips. ] But who really gives a shit?
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holding onto the joint in one hand, he leans down to plant the other near lin jingheng's head, leaning just a little over him. ]
A lot of people. [ when you're the prime minister of the eighth? everyone. no one beside zhanlu and - well, in his delusions, he'd say no one besides zhanlu ever saw him at his worst, but prime minister edward knew. but, lin's right. here, it doesn't really matter.
he's too tired and sad to really joke about it, but he's fine, like this, for now. ] You were the one who got scolded, anyway. [ by miss uriel....... ]
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That's because Uriel doesn't know you're cheeky brat doing naughty things like smoking.
[ a beat ]
Unless she does, then she's just playing favorites.
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[ he says this with a little smile, soft. tired, but still there, as he tilts his head into the fingertips that tuck his hair back, nuzzling into lin jingheng's hand wholesale, eyes closed.
(he doesn't say she reminds me so much of captain turan, because that wound still hurts like a fresh, open stab. he's not forgiven her. he's not sure he ever could. but maybe, with lin, he could... maybe. maybe. )
fate is always so cruel. haven't they both learned this lesson, by now? lu bixing's starting to become numb, to loss. he has to find his solace like this, in these little moments that remind him that they're both still here. ]
And you like that I'm cheeky. [ he turns his head a little, presses a kiss to his palm. ] So in that case, I win.
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If only because you have anything worth saying.
[ the kiss to his palm earns a warm smile. on that's cause lin jingheng to press their foreheads together, eyes closing now. ]
Lu Bixing...
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lu bixing leans over into the forehead touch gesture, eyes fluttering shut, and exhales out. content, as he can be, right now, as some of the tension leaks out of his shoulders. ]
Hmmm?
[ because lin's words are always worth saying, too ]
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[ but it doesn't seem like he minds... slowly gripping his shoulders and pressing forward, pinning how beside him to the dock, his eyes trained on him. ]
Please.
Kiss me.
[ his hands slide upwards, holding his face in earnest, thumbs stroking his cheeks. he bites his tongue, holds still as stone. he waits. ]
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OKAY!!!! WELL OKAY!!!!!
how can he say no to that? god. not in a million years. whatever he was going to say dies in a half laugh half exhale noise and his cheeks flush underneath lin jingheng's hands. lu bixing almost never stops talking, but it's only lin who can make him lose all of his words in a millisecond, and he swallows the butterflies that have taken the place of his vocal chords and nods.
and presses into his hands, and then ducks forward, and kisses him. soft, sweet and lingering, relishing, easily dropping his weight down to cage lin in and press as close to him as possible, almost needily, even now, still desperate for those little presses of affection like they're brand new again. ]
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lin jingheng isn't afraid of the openness of the air around them right now, he's not anxious of anyone happening upon them, because right now there's a heliocentricity to lu boxing, the mad genius and young man (even after all this time).
it's been a long time, and each touch feels like it warms over long frostbitten nerves under his skin. he lets him crowd him against the dock and he smiles, a small, satisfied thing when they kiss that imprints itself on lu bixing's lips.
he just holds tightly to him, fingers digging slightly into his shirt. ]
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he holds it, makes a soft noise when he feels lin smile against his mouth, and readjusts so that he can run his fingers through the soft black of his hair, turning his face a little to kiss him again, to linger, a little longer. a little deeper, greedy for it, greedy for the feeling of lin holding onto him, for both of their dear lives.
he only stops after a second kiss, a third, and only enough to mumble against his mouth, enough to be felt. ] I love you.
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the fingers through his hair earn a soft sound, a subtle sigh that skims over lu bixing's lips as he lets his hands trail down his shoulder blades, his ribs, down to thumb at his waist. the reality is, they're still here and breathing, and he's done fearing the worst. he turns away from the anxiety bubbling in the back of his skull, just in time to hear lu bixing murmur words softly against his mouth.
he presses their foreheads together, brow knit. it could be bruising, it might be, he just wants to be close, craving the proximity as one of his legs hooks around lu bixing's. his cigarette is burning out between his knuckles, but the smell keeps him comfortable, calm, winding around lu bixing like an eager serpent. ]
Don't go anywhere.
[ the irony, of lin jingheng having to say that. saying that at all.
but he's done with disappearing too.
i love you too. ]
Or I'll have to go with you.