[ that doesn't surprise him, somehow. cosmos was a good kid, and - the familiarity in the way he soaks up the world makes lu bixing's heart ache. he would've done the same thing, back when he only had the senses of a computer. he did - he took journals on everything he saw on cayley and then some.
he lets lin move however he wants, and keeps his arm tight around his shoulders, squeezing a little more as he speaks. his own voice is soft, just a little urging, as he finally reaches over and very gently hooks his free hand underneath lin jingheng's chin to get him to look him in the eye. ]
...You helped him, you know, right? Last week, and every week up until now. You must have helped him, Lin.
[ his chin rests a little heavy on the hand that lifts it. his head is heavy, he's tired. a forced sleep doesn't feel restful, tossing and turning with thoughts that make his stomach churn. it's a low blow, too easy a hit. he looks lu bixing in the eye and his brow seems to unknit just a bit more, though his eyes eventually wander somewhere over his shoulder, and slowly he shifts to try and straighten up again—
but he just sinks back again. summoning the will doesn't come to him in the moment. ]
[ no. absolutely not. no. in fact, his grip doesn't quite tighten, but he doesn't let go, and the second lin jingheng looks away from him, lu bixing ducks into his line of vision again. ]
Yes, I do.
[ it's insistently said, and leaves no room for argument. ] You would have helped me, if I were in his shoes. You have helped me. Even - even since we've gotten here, Lin, you've helped me.
[ when he was in his grief, in his misery - when they were both missteppig left and right trying to remember a dance that they used to know by heart. lin jingheng has been the one to help rebuild lu bixing, bit by bit, to help say all the right things, to bring his broken pieces back together, bit by bit. that means something, and he won't let lin think for a second that he hasn't done that for the people around him besides lu bixing, too. ]
I won't stop until you believe me, and I'll know if you're lying. Maybe you don't recognize how much you do for other people, but I do.
[ lu bixing is as annoying as a little flea, but about as sweet as honey, and lin jingheng can't help but let his gaze flick towards him as he tries to meet his eyes. has he helped anyone? he certainly doesn't feel it, and even as they hold hands here, hardly space between them, lin jingheng believes he is floating aimlessly here in this place that he was sure he'd be at the end of it all.
he always thought hell wouldn't keep him, but as it turns out, it's just been waiting. hasn't it.
even if there, at the center of it all, is paradise in the form of one person who says too many kind things to him. his brow furrows and he lifts his hands to gently place them on lu bixing's wrists, not to wrench him away, but just to hold. ]
I've done nothing unless I can get us out of here.
[ every week their pool narrows. ]
If I need to drink the Devil down then I'll do it.
[ his fingers tighten. but i can't do it without you. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ that doesn't surprise him, somehow. cosmos was a good kid, and - the familiarity in the way he soaks up the world makes lu bixing's heart ache. he would've done the same thing, back when he only had the senses of a computer. he did - he took journals on everything he saw on cayley and then some.
he lets lin move however he wants, and keeps his arm tight around his shoulders, squeezing a little more as he speaks. his own voice is soft, just a little urging, as he finally reaches over and very gently hooks his free hand underneath lin jingheng's chin to get him to look him in the eye. ]
...You helped him, you know, right? Last week, and every week up until now. You must have helped him, Lin.
no subject
[ a frown. ]
You don't know that.
[ his chin rests a little heavy on the hand that lifts it. his head is heavy, he's tired. a forced sleep doesn't feel restful, tossing and turning with thoughts that make his stomach churn. it's a low blow, too easy a hit. he looks lu bixing in the eye and his brow seems to unknit just a bit more, though his eyes eventually wander somewhere over his shoulder, and slowly he shifts to try and straighten up again—
but he just sinks back again. summoning the will doesn't come to him in the moment. ]
no subject
Yes, I do.
[ it's insistently said, and leaves no room for argument. ] You would have helped me, if I were in his shoes. You have helped me. Even - even since we've gotten here, Lin, you've helped me.
[ when he was in his grief, in his misery - when they were both missteppig left and right trying to remember a dance that they used to know by heart. lin jingheng has been the one to help rebuild lu bixing, bit by bit, to help say all the right things, to bring his broken pieces back together, bit by bit. that means something, and he won't let lin think for a second that he hasn't done that for the people around him besides lu bixing, too. ]
I won't stop until you believe me, and I'll know if you're lying. Maybe you don't recognize how much you do for other people, but I do.
no subject
he always thought hell wouldn't keep him, but as it turns out, it's just been waiting. hasn't it.
even if there, at the center of it all, is paradise in the form of one person who says too many kind things to him. his brow furrows and he lifts his hands to gently place them on lu bixing's wrists, not to wrench him away, but just to hold. ]
I've done nothing unless I can get us out of here.
[ every week their pool narrows. ]
If I need to drink the Devil down then I'll do it.
[ his fingers tighten. but i can't do it without you. ]