[that he had to experience jingheng dying, again. and if it's anything like it was for rynlan-- everything seemed so real, at the time, like it all truly happened.]
Not so easy to shake even knowing it wasn't real, is it.
[ he shifts a little bit where he's settled, pulling his hand away from his face, and linking his fingers together, instead. ]
I've had nightmares about things like that so many times - that could have been right out of one of them. I think... the first week I was here, I kept waking up in the middle of the night to make... make sure he was breathing. [ like a freak, honestly, but he doesn't say that. ] Staying up late to make sure he was okay...I'm sure I'll be doing the same, now.
[ barring curfew night, of course. ]
At least... I didn't have to see him hit the ground.
[ because just knowing it happened - and, in his reality, waking up to find him gone - had almost been worse.
but - if they're sort of near each other, he scoots over and gently takes rynlan's hand if he'll let him, giving it a squeeze, worried and sympathetic. ]
...Obviously, I can't blame you. I think I would have... done the same. [ another little squeeze ] It... was relieving, to know it was fake, wasn't it?
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[that he had to experience jingheng dying, again. and if it's anything like it was for rynlan-- everything seemed so real, at the time, like it all truly happened.]
Not so easy to shake even knowing it wasn't real, is it.
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[ he shifts a little bit where he's settled, pulling his hand away from his face, and linking his fingers together, instead. ]
I've had nightmares about things like that so many times - that could have been right out of one of them. I think... the first week I was here, I kept waking up in the middle of the night to make... make sure he was breathing. [ like a freak, honestly, but he doesn't say that. ] Staying up late to make sure he was okay...I'm sure I'll be doing the same, now.
[ barring curfew night, of course. ]
At least... I didn't have to see him hit the ground.
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[he's quiet a few moments, there, before he finishes the thought.]
Suppose I didn't have to either, but-- don't know how I could've taken another option.
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[ because just knowing it happened - and, in his reality, waking up to find him gone - had almost been worse.
but - if they're sort of near each other, he scoots over and gently takes rynlan's hand if he'll let him, giving it a squeeze, worried and sympathetic. ]
...Obviously, I can't blame you. I think I would have... done the same. [ another little squeeze ] It... was relieving, to know it was fake, wasn't it?
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...it was.
The fake one, he- I found him with a sword wound through him. Looked like he didn't fight at all. He bled out, while I was holding on to him.
[he's still so, so relieved it was just fake.]