He's lived it, Bixing, I know he should know. He knows what it was like for me, too, he said he wouldn't do that to me again--

[it's more of an outburst, one he puts a stop to with a slightly ragged inhale. ugh.]

I just don't-- I don't understand. I don't know how he can have lost someone to the same kind of sacrifice and still insist on trying to make a martyr of himself.