[ she sees his sadness, and her brows furrow. he really does care so much, doesn't he?
she stifles a sigh. ]
It's quite the spectacle, isn't it? Too much work for so little gain.... I'd like to do away with it, too. [ she shifts to face him a bit more ] I'm sorry, Lu Bixing. You usually had her book with you, didn't you?
[ lu bixing smiles at that, but it's like. it is the saddest smile in the world, as he says, plaintive; ]
...I finished it, last night. I was looking for a distraction after - after everything, and I read the end of it and couldn't put it down. I was looking forward to talking with her about it, today.
[ he makes a soft noise, agreeing. yeah. someone took her away. ]
...Truthfully, I've been dreading the idea that this could happen again for more reasons than one. [ he fusses, for a moment, at the edge of his sleeve. the same thing he did last week, the same nervous tic. ] I - once, I lost two important people to me. I'd been knocked out on purpose, and even though I tried to fight off the anesthesia, I couldn't. When I came to again, they were both dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
[ so how traumatizing is this? how bad is it, to relive the same night over and over, the desperate clawing for his own consciousness, to wake up and know there was nothing - nothing you could've done. just a message from someone else that someone you care about is dead. it explains the relief when he checked on four last week on friday, and now, the reaction today.
there's a short pause as the words drop out of his mouth, like a cliff, before lu bixing exhales out, noisily, and scrubs a hand over his face. ] ...I'm sorry, Four. I don't mean to put all of that on you.
[ she shakes her head, and she brings up a hand to her eyes. she takes a small, shaky breath. ]
No, please don't apologize. Thank you for telling me. That's... [ what can she say in response? it's a terrible experience to have to relive. it's not a trauma she knows personally, but she can try to understand. ]
Being made helpless and powerless compounds the worst feelings, and I don't think loss ever gets easier. This truly is Hell for you. I don't know how to make it better.
[ noo baby girl. he starts feeling around in his breast pockets, and - after a moment, comes up with a pack of tissues. lu bixing takes one out and presses it into her hand. ]
It's okay. [ genuinely at least, as he turns his face to four. thankful. ] I think even having someone like you around helps, you know. Thank you for listening.
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she stifles a sigh. ]
It's quite the spectacle, isn't it? Too much work for so little gain.... I'd like to do away with it, too. [ she shifts to face him a bit more ] I'm sorry, Lu Bixing. You usually had her book with you, didn't you?
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...I finished it, last night. I was looking for a distraction after - after everything, and I read the end of it and couldn't put it down. I was looking forward to talking with her about it, today.
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And someone took her and that away. That's one more terrible and tragic thing to add to your week.
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...Truthfully, I've been dreading the idea that this could happen again for more reasons than one. [ he fusses, for a moment, at the edge of his sleeve. the same thing he did last week, the same nervous tic. ] I - once, I lost two important people to me. I'd been knocked out on purpose, and even though I tried to fight off the anesthesia, I couldn't. When I came to again, they were both dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
[ so how traumatizing is this? how bad is it, to relive the same night over and over, the desperate clawing for his own consciousness, to wake up and know there was nothing - nothing you could've done. just a message from someone else that someone you care about is dead. it explains the relief when he checked on four last week on friday, and now, the reaction today.
there's a short pause as the words drop out of his mouth, like a cliff, before lu bixing exhales out, noisily, and scrubs a hand over his face. ] ...I'm sorry, Four. I don't mean to put all of that on you.
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No, please don't apologize. Thank you for telling me. That's... [ what can she say in response? it's a terrible experience to have to relive. it's not a trauma she knows personally, but she can try to understand. ]
Being made helpless and powerless compounds the worst feelings, and I don't think loss ever gets easier. This truly is Hell for you. I don't know how to make it better.
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It's okay. [ genuinely at least, as he turns his face to four. thankful. ] I think even having someone like you around helps, you know. Thank you for listening.
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If I can help you in any way, it'll make me happy. Today, tomorrow, or any other day.