[ he makes a soft noise, agreeing. yeah. someone took her away. ]

...Truthfully, I've been dreading the idea that this could happen again for more reasons than one. [ he fusses, for a moment, at the edge of his sleeve. the same thing he did last week, the same nervous tic. ] I - once, I lost two important people to me. I'd been knocked out on purpose, and even though I tried to fight off the anesthesia, I couldn't. When I came to again, they were both dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

[ so how traumatizing is this? how bad is it, to relive the same night over and over, the desperate clawing for his own consciousness, to wake up and know there was nothing - nothing you could've done. just a message from someone else that someone you care about is dead. it explains the relief when he checked on four last week on friday, and now, the reaction today.

there's a short pause as the words drop out of his mouth, like a cliff, before lu bixing exhales out, noisily, and scrubs a hand over his face. ] ...I'm sorry, Four. I don't mean to put all of that on you.