[ well. typically, he likes to lock up as hard as he can. as date has probably noticed.
he's quiet for a moment, looking down at his work. date has seen his worst memory, and has been very patient and persistent, over weeks of friendship. it's a long, thoughtful pause - if date's not patient with it, the moment will fade. but, if he waits, eventually, lu bixing says very, very softly: ]
...Hours before Lin died, I knew he was going to run into something dangerous, and I tried to stop him - or, really, I tried to bring him some backup that I knew he was going to need. I met up with his second in command, who offered me a mech to follow him in. I got in the elevator on her ship, to go to the mech bay, and when I did, the doors closed and the room was flooded with an anesthetic gas. On Lin's orders. When I woke up, he was dead.
[ every thursday is hell, for lu bixing. every single thursday, he relieves the worst day of his life, wakes up startled and desperate and reaching for lin jingheng. he has nightmares, every day of the week, that one day he'll be awakened from a forced curfew slumber and lin will be gone. ]
... I don't know if I can take it, to lose him like that again. I'm not strong enough. [ there's a soft, wet laugh. ] I've never been more scared of something in my entire life.
[ he does stay quiet, especially once he realises lbx is thinking about something very intently. he's a detective, at the end of the day. he might not be the best, and he might make stupid decisions sometimes, but right here, directly in the moment? he can sense when something is balancing on a precipice and knows to wait to see where it falls.
so, he listens.
and he understands. maybe not everything, he isn't lu bixing after all. he might like lin jingheng well enough but he doesn't have a fraction of the emotions that lu bixing has for him. but-- ]
...
Most people would do anything for the ones they love. It's ... really selfish, actually. We don't stop and think about what it does to those loved ones when we do.
[ saying it... feels unpleasant. like he's scratched a wound he didn't know was there, doesn't know where it came from. something deep, deep down makes him feel like he's speaking from experience. but he's never abandoned someone he cared about before, or done something so drastic to save them.
but he can imagine the scars it would leave on someone. of course he can, he's seen lu bixing's memory and seen what those scars look like. ]
... The body in my memory. [ it's not the same. but it's an honesty for an honesty. ] It looked just like a girl I know. It wasn't her, it was more complicated than that, but...
She's only a kid. And before I ended up here, she went missing. I was on my way to help her.
[ ... ]
I can't offer you empty promises everything will be okay. I'm not mean enough to do that to you. But you've both survived so far, haven't you?
[ man it's going to suck if either of them die this week. awkward. ]
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he's quiet for a moment, looking down at his work. date has seen his worst memory, and has been very patient and persistent, over weeks of friendship. it's a long, thoughtful pause - if date's not patient with it, the moment will fade. but, if he waits, eventually, lu bixing says very, very softly: ]
...Hours before Lin died, I knew he was going to run into something dangerous, and I tried to stop him - or, really, I tried to bring him some backup that I knew he was going to need. I met up with his second in command, who offered me a mech to follow him in. I got in the elevator on her ship, to go to the mech bay, and when I did, the doors closed and the room was flooded with an anesthetic gas. On Lin's orders. When I woke up, he was dead.
[ every thursday is hell, for lu bixing. every single thursday, he relieves the worst day of his life, wakes up startled and desperate and reaching for lin jingheng. he has nightmares, every day of the week, that one day he'll be awakened from a forced curfew slumber and lin will be gone. ]
... I don't know if I can take it, to lose him like that again. I'm not strong enough. [ there's a soft, wet laugh. ] I've never been more scared of something in my entire life.
no subject
so, he listens.
and he understands. maybe not everything, he isn't lu bixing after all. he might like lin jingheng well enough but he doesn't have a fraction of the emotions that lu bixing has for him. but-- ]
...
Most people would do anything for the ones they love. It's ... really selfish, actually. We don't stop and think about what it does to those loved ones when we do.
[ saying it... feels unpleasant. like he's scratched a wound he didn't know was there, doesn't know where it came from. something deep, deep down makes him feel like he's speaking from experience. but he's never abandoned someone he cared about before, or done something so drastic to save them.
but he can imagine the scars it would leave on someone. of course he can, he's seen lu bixing's memory and seen what those scars look like. ]
... The body in my memory. [ it's not the same. but it's an honesty for an honesty. ] It looked just like a girl I know. It wasn't her, it was more complicated than that, but...
She's only a kid. And before I ended up here, she went missing. I was on my way to help her.
[ ... ]
I can't offer you empty promises everything will be okay. I'm not mean enough to do that to you. But you've both survived so far, haven't you?
[ man it's going to suck if either of them die this week. awkward. ]