ill write sleepy becksy a starter. lbx is at the park, actually on gigantica. he's sitting with a giant toothpick in his lap, and it looks like he's wrapping the top of it up in some fabric. it's fine. don't worry about it. anyway
when he spots date he looks up, and gives him a little bit of a smile. ] ...hi, Date.
[ he's not he's sad. he's usually pretty decent at hiding it, but, at this point it probably has become obvious that lu bixing tends to throw himself into his work when he's not happy. ]
I'm trying to make a cane for Rynlan. [ he says, by way of explanation, eventually, and rubs a hand over his face. ] What about you?
Yeah. He can barely walk, right now - honestly, I'm not that good with woodworking. I'd really give anything for a 3D printer, but we do what we can with what we have.
[ his carving is not super pretty but you know what it's fine thancred's gonna come help with it later? it's fine. anyway. ]
It does feel complicated. [ ... ] Childe was with us last night. He... Lin really likes him, a lot. He's upset, even if he won't show it.
[ does he normally bottle (bottom) it up is such a question that he - laughs, a little? god. ]
That would be an understatement. [ sweet ljh ] I don't know if people really can read him the way I do. But he's... lost a lot, in his life. It's part of why he doesn't have a lot, at all.
[ this is probably a little too much info to share about his beloved lin, but it's fine. he's just a spoonie who barely has the capacity to keep losing, so... this hurt him, and bixing knows it. ] I can't help but worry about him. And - I liked Childe, too, so. He was our friend.
[ so yeah the answer to both bottling and bottoming it up is a yes ]
[ well. typically, he likes to lock up as hard as he can. as date has probably noticed.
he's quiet for a moment, looking down at his work. date has seen his worst memory, and has been very patient and persistent, over weeks of friendship. it's a long, thoughtful pause - if date's not patient with it, the moment will fade. but, if he waits, eventually, lu bixing says very, very softly: ]
...Hours before Lin died, I knew he was going to run into something dangerous, and I tried to stop him - or, really, I tried to bring him some backup that I knew he was going to need. I met up with his second in command, who offered me a mech to follow him in. I got in the elevator on her ship, to go to the mech bay, and when I did, the doors closed and the room was flooded with an anesthetic gas. On Lin's orders. When I woke up, he was dead.
[ every thursday is hell, for lu bixing. every single thursday, he relieves the worst day of his life, wakes up startled and desperate and reaching for lin jingheng. he has nightmares, every day of the week, that one day he'll be awakened from a forced curfew slumber and lin will be gone. ]
... I don't know if I can take it, to lose him like that again. I'm not strong enough. [ there's a soft, wet laugh. ] I've never been more scared of something in my entire life.
[ he does stay quiet, especially once he realises lbx is thinking about something very intently. he's a detective, at the end of the day. he might not be the best, and he might make stupid decisions sometimes, but right here, directly in the moment? he can sense when something is balancing on a precipice and knows to wait to see where it falls.
so, he listens.
and he understands. maybe not everything, he isn't lu bixing after all. he might like lin jingheng well enough but he doesn't have a fraction of the emotions that lu bixing has for him. but-- ]
...
Most people would do anything for the ones they love. It's ... really selfish, actually. We don't stop and think about what it does to those loved ones when we do.
[ saying it... feels unpleasant. like he's scratched a wound he didn't know was there, doesn't know where it came from. something deep, deep down makes him feel like he's speaking from experience. but he's never abandoned someone he cared about before, or done something so drastic to save them.
but he can imagine the scars it would leave on someone. of course he can, he's seen lu bixing's memory and seen what those scars look like. ]
... The body in my memory. [ it's not the same. but it's an honesty for an honesty. ] It looked just like a girl I know. It wasn't her, it was more complicated than that, but...
She's only a kid. And before I ended up here, she went missing. I was on my way to help her.
[ ... ]
I can't offer you empty promises everything will be okay. I'm not mean enough to do that to you. But you've both survived so far, haven't you?
[ man it's going to suck if either of them die this week. awkward. ]
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w4, friday
what the fuck? ]
no subject
ill write sleepy becksy a starter. lbx is at the park, actually on gigantica. he's sitting with a giant toothpick in his lap, and it looks like he's wrapping the top of it up in some fabric. it's fine. don't worry about it. anyway
when he spots date he looks up, and gives him a little bit of a smile. ] ...hi, Date.
no subject
Hey.
... You doing okay?
no subject
[ he's not he's sad. he's usually pretty decent at hiding it, but, at this point it probably has become obvious that lu bixing tends to throw himself into his work when he's not happy. ]
I'm trying to make a cane for Rynlan. [ he says, by way of explanation, eventually, and rubs a hand over his face. ] What about you?
no subject
I didn't really know Childe all that well. Chandra... well. It all feels kinda complicated, timing wise.
[ after last week. ]
... Oh for his leg? He mentioned he'd got bandaged up, but there's not much more we can do other than treat and wait.
no subject
Yeah. He can barely walk, right now - honestly, I'm not that good with woodworking. I'd really give anything for a 3D printer, but we do what we can with what we have.
[ his carving is not super pretty but you know what it's fine thancred's gonna come help with it later? it's fine. anyway. ]
It does feel complicated. [ ... ] Childe was with us last night. He... Lin really likes him, a lot. He's upset, even if he won't show it.
no subject
Yeah, he's been pretty stationary since Thursday. Not that I blame him, he came out of that mess in a state.
[ rynlan your leg. ]
... Ah. Does he normally bottle it up like that? [ no joke i just typed "bottom it up" ]
no subject
That would be an understatement. [ sweet ljh ] I don't know if people really can read him the way I do. But he's... lost a lot, in his life. It's part of why he doesn't have a lot, at all.
[ this is probably a little too much info to share about his beloved lin, but it's fine. he's just a spoonie who barely has the capacity to keep losing, so... this hurt him, and bixing knows it. ] I can't help but worry about him. And - I liked Childe, too, so. He was our friend.
[ so yeah the answer to both bottling and bottoming it up is a yes ]
no subject
Lose a lot and you tend to have your guard up more, yeah. [ ... ] Especially if you're afraid of losing more people and we're in a place like this.
no subject
...yeah. Exactly.
no subject
… [ he just looks at him. ] I mean, it’s understandable. But it’s up to you if you want to lock it all up or talk about it.
no subject
he's quiet for a moment, looking down at his work. date has seen his worst memory, and has been very patient and persistent, over weeks of friendship. it's a long, thoughtful pause - if date's not patient with it, the moment will fade. but, if he waits, eventually, lu bixing says very, very softly: ]
...Hours before Lin died, I knew he was going to run into something dangerous, and I tried to stop him - or, really, I tried to bring him some backup that I knew he was going to need. I met up with his second in command, who offered me a mech to follow him in. I got in the elevator on her ship, to go to the mech bay, and when I did, the doors closed and the room was flooded with an anesthetic gas. On Lin's orders. When I woke up, he was dead.
[ every thursday is hell, for lu bixing. every single thursday, he relieves the worst day of his life, wakes up startled and desperate and reaching for lin jingheng. he has nightmares, every day of the week, that one day he'll be awakened from a forced curfew slumber and lin will be gone. ]
... I don't know if I can take it, to lose him like that again. I'm not strong enough. [ there's a soft, wet laugh. ] I've never been more scared of something in my entire life.
no subject
so, he listens.
and he understands. maybe not everything, he isn't lu bixing after all. he might like lin jingheng well enough but he doesn't have a fraction of the emotions that lu bixing has for him. but-- ]
...
Most people would do anything for the ones they love. It's ... really selfish, actually. We don't stop and think about what it does to those loved ones when we do.
[ saying it... feels unpleasant. like he's scratched a wound he didn't know was there, doesn't know where it came from. something deep, deep down makes him feel like he's speaking from experience. but he's never abandoned someone he cared about before, or done something so drastic to save them.
but he can imagine the scars it would leave on someone. of course he can, he's seen lu bixing's memory and seen what those scars look like. ]
... The body in my memory. [ it's not the same. but it's an honesty for an honesty. ] It looked just like a girl I know. It wasn't her, it was more complicated than that, but...
She's only a kid. And before I ended up here, she went missing. I was on my way to help her.
[ ... ]
I can't offer you empty promises everything will be okay. I'm not mean enough to do that to you. But you've both survived so far, haven't you?
[ man it's going to suck if either of them die this week. awkward. ]