[ god he's just. he's. here in the planetarium and he's hunched over, arms wrapped around lu bixing tightly. they've been here for an hour now, maybe, letting the starlight fall in the dark room, watching the godforsaken fiery sky where the telescopes are turned upwards.
there's a small paper cup with three cigarettes just shoved inside, and lin jingheng is smoking out a fourth, letting the ash fall onto his knee quietly.
softly, zhanlu whispers a little lullaby from a nearby seat. lin jingheng wraps both bare arms around lu bixing, having refused to let him go for the most recent half hour of their planetarium stint. ]
[ every week, this is what lu bixing is terrified of. there's nothing scarier to him than waking up and knowing that someone he cares about is dead. and it's worse, it's so much worse, like this. at least with eto, she wasn't there. kon was right there. kon was -
(like a prodigy, to me. like a successor. like someone i've never had.)
he's ust stayed like this, curled up in lin jingheng's arms. now that they're away from everyone else, he's silent, finally letting some of his prime minister facade go, okay to just. just be upset, here, to cling tight to lin jingheng's jacket and inhale the scent of his smoke and just kind of. disassociate.
an hour or so into this, he finally speaks up, voice soft and low, burying his cheek against lin's chest, listening to zhanlu's soft, familiar voice sing sotto, and murmurs: ] ...He's okay. [ somewhere. with the others. he has to convince himself. he knows that, even if he gets their messages, even if he just - he knows, he knows, but it doesn't make it any easier. ]
[ here's something about the phrasing that sticks.
we'll take them back.
he looks up, suddenly - eye full of tears, something thick in his throat, and up comes something he probably should've said a while ago, but his hands curl tight in jingheng's clothes, and lu bixing blurts out, in a rush - ]
Lin, I want to bring him back with us. Gideon and Harrowhark, too.
[ their home is going to become so loud. somehow, lin jingheng doesn't actually care. he sees these tears in his eyes and shifts thumbs to slowly wipe at them. oh... ]
... We'll...
[ oh wow oh god uhhh he just shuts his eyes. ]
Lu Bixing... whatever, whoever you want to bring home with us...
[ this is just so. weh. his lower lip wobbles for just a second before he sucks it back again, as he tries to reckon with the feeling of losing someone he came to consider so important to him in the only way he knows how. by fixing it, trying to engineer a solution, by trying to make things better, trying not to think about tomorrow.
lin just shatters his composure like always, though. he turns his face into the thumb on his cheek, as the first tears finally drop from his eye, and just nods. it's all he really has, at first. i want to bring you home, too. there's still so much to be done, so many problems to solve, the ability to find a way to bring the others back --
he hiccups, finally, takes his hand and presses it against lin jingheng's on his cheek, and then turns his face to kiss his palm, nodding uselessly against his hand. that's all he really has, for the moment. ]
[ that wobble is... god he feels it. there's a wash here, that honeyed aftertaste of a drink that makes his emotions flood forward even when he wants to keep them to himself. the desire to protect everything he has left is what trumps all of it. bixing hiccups and he holds his gaze.
it takes everything inside of him not to snarl and bare his teeth at the world.
he doesn't have to speak, lin jingheng whispers instead. ]
He'll have his own room. And Zhanlu will meet Yoru... [ gentler ] Gideon will break things and Harrow will have the place crawling and... we'll...
[ his voice catches. he stops. he doesn't have anymore. instead, he rests their foreheads together. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w5, friday
there's a small paper cup with three cigarettes just shoved inside, and lin jingheng is smoking out a fourth, letting the ash fall onto his knee quietly.
softly, zhanlu whispers a little lullaby from a nearby seat. lin jingheng wraps both bare arms around lu bixing, having refused to let him go for the most recent half hour of their planetarium stint. ]
no subject
(like a prodigy, to me. like a successor. like someone i've never had.)
he's ust stayed like this, curled up in lin jingheng's arms. now that they're away from everyone else, he's silent, finally letting some of his prime minister facade go, okay to just. just be upset, here, to cling tight to lin jingheng's jacket and inhale the scent of his smoke and just kind of. disassociate.
an hour or so into this, he finally speaks up, voice soft and low, burying his cheek against lin's chest, listening to zhanlu's soft, familiar voice sing sotto, and murmurs: ] ...He's okay. [ somewhere. with the others. he has to convince himself. he knows that, even if he gets their messages, even if he just - he knows, he knows, but it doesn't make it any easier. ]
no subject
[ tighter he is holding his puppy, chugging away like a train with his cigarette. his breath rattles tiredly. ]
Bixing...
[ he clutches quietly at him. ]
We'll take them back. [ tighter, he tucks his face in against him. ]
no subject
we'll take them back.
he looks up, suddenly - eye full of tears, something thick in his throat, and up comes something he probably should've said a while ago, but his hands curl tight in jingheng's clothes, and lu bixing blurts out, in a rush - ]
Lin, I want to bring him back with us. Gideon and Harrowhark, too.
1/2
2/2
... We'll...
[ oh wow oh god uhhh he just shuts his eyes. ]
Lu Bixing... whatever, whoever you want to bring home with us...
... you can have that. Always.
no subject
lin just shatters his composure like always, though. he turns his face into the thumb on his cheek, as the first tears finally drop from his eye, and just nods. it's all he really has, at first. i want to bring you home, too. there's still so much to be done, so many problems to solve, the ability to find a way to bring the others back --
he hiccups, finally, takes his hand and presses it against lin jingheng's on his cheek, and then turns his face to kiss his palm, nodding uselessly against his hand. that's all he really has, for the moment. ]
no subject
it takes everything inside of him not to snarl and bare his teeth at the world.
he doesn't have to speak, lin jingheng whispers instead. ]
He'll have his own room. And Zhanlu will meet Yoru... [ gentler ] Gideon will break things and Harrow will have the place crawling and... we'll...
[ his voice catches. he stops. he doesn't have anymore. instead, he rests their foreheads together. ]
Our Home... Bixing... we're almost there.