[ really, the sternness is sort of familiar, if only because it makes him feel - well, seen. it's lin, being lin. it's a reminder that he's still here, that the visions of their little trip together are just nightmares in the way he's had nightmares about lin jingheng dying almost daily for the past seventeen years. it's a reminder that he's solid, when he reaches out to touch him, that lin jingheng's not just a hologram he laid beside to try and push away the pain. it's a little grounding.
... it's grounding, also, because he knows that lin won't let him squirm away. he wants to. you can see it in his face, desperately searching for an out. ]
I -
[ of course he does. lu bixing was incredibly fond of eto. found her curious and interesting, loved to pick her brain about books and knowledge and philosophy, about revolution and want. he doesn't really have that many friends, anymore. not in hell, and not even before, his relationship with turan fractured to pieces. and eto... eto was his friend.
his lower lip wobbles, the emotional effect of the week taking its toll, and he sucks it in with a breath. ]
...I just want to solve it. [ he says, quietly, but lin jingheng will know - that's his coping mechanism, to throw himself into it. to pretend it's fine. it's what he's done all along. it's that or something worse. he can't feel sad. he can't let himself. not again.
still, he presses a little into his hands - heavy. ]
no subject
... it's grounding, also, because he knows that lin won't let him squirm away. he wants to. you can see it in his face, desperately searching for an out. ]
I -
[ of course he does. lu bixing was incredibly fond of eto. found her curious and interesting, loved to pick her brain about books and knowledge and philosophy, about revolution and want. he doesn't really have that many friends, anymore. not in hell, and not even before, his relationship with turan fractured to pieces. and eto... eto was his friend.
his lower lip wobbles, the emotional effect of the week taking its toll, and he sucks it in with a breath. ]
...I just want to solve it. [ he says, quietly, but lin jingheng will know - that's his coping mechanism, to throw himself into it. to pretend it's fine. it's what he's done all along. it's that or something worse. he can't feel sad. he can't let himself. not again.
still, he presses a little into his hands - heavy. ]