![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[ apparently there is no seating area so we will say he's sitting outside up against the side of the building. jingheng knows him - he can see his long leggies sticking out.
when he realizes lin is here, though, belatedly, lu bixing lolls his head over to look at him. and then, seems to properly recognize? and like, pulls the blunt down out of side like that will hide the fact that it is clearly in use. his brows knit together, and his lips purse into something soft and worried. ]
... Lin. Were you looking for me...?
when he realizes lin is here, though, belatedly, lu bixing lolls his head over to look at him. and then, seems to properly recognize? and like, pulls the blunt down out of side like that will hide the fact that it is clearly in use. his brows knit together, and his lips purse into something soft and worried. ]
... Lin. Were you looking for me...?
[ in a better mood, he'd make a joke. say something like "with you".
he doesn't have that right now, though. when lin hands him the cup, he has to juggle his hands a little bit, still attempting to hide the fact that he was definitely smoking, though not quite putting it out. he will take the cup, though.
... and when he sits close, he shifts, and eventually... drops his cheek on lin jingheng's shoulder and stays there. ]
I'm okay. [ i'm used to loss, he doesn't say. after i lost you, could anything be worse? ] Just a little tired. What about you?
he doesn't have that right now, though. when lin hands him the cup, he has to juggle his hands a little bit, still attempting to hide the fact that he was definitely smoking, though not quite putting it out. he will take the cup, though.
... and when he sits close, he shifts, and eventually... drops his cheek on lin jingheng's shoulder and stays there. ]
I'm okay. [ i'm used to loss, he doesn't say. after i lost you, could anything be worse? ] Just a little tired. What about you?
I can smell, Bixing, I didn't lose my senses in all my time away. [ bitch stop hiding it, he can literally smell it this close, especially when he leans like that. ]
Keep being tired. Rest.
[ he will wrap an arm around his shoulder, drawing him a little closer. lean, lean. meanwhile, he takes a sip from his own cup, one ankle crossed over the other. ]
Keep being tired. Rest.
[ he will wrap an arm around his shoulder, drawing him a little closer. lean, lean. meanwhile, he takes a sip from his own cup, one ankle crossed over the other. ]
[ SNGDSKGSJFH NOOOO. busted. he's so busted. there's a flicker of something across his face that looks like guilt and shame - that same hairtrigger feeling of you must not love the person i've become before he guiltily lifts his hand.
the arm around his shoulder feels really nice. it's a reminder that lin's here, again. (not the nightmare in his brain, that he's relived for days, for seventeen years.) slowly, he starts to sag a little, melting into his side, and he holds up the blunt, finally. and remarks, tired: ]
This...is terrible. I looked for cigarettes, for you.
the arm around his shoulder feels really nice. it's a reminder that lin's here, again. (not the nightmare in his brain, that he's relived for days, for seventeen years.) slowly, he starts to sag a little, melting into his side, and he holds up the blunt, finally. and remarks, tired: ]
This...is terrible. I looked for cigarettes, for you.
I looked for cigarettes for me. As though I'd be so lucky.
[ the arm around the shoulder is an anchor, intention. he's here for him, for the lu bixing that is here, having survived so long without him, having clawed his way through immensities that lin jingheng can feel in the slope of his shoulders.
lu bixing holds up the blunt and he sighs. ]
Thank you...
[ genuine. this addles the mind, he knows it. the smell is overpowering and he's leery about it, hovering a moment before leaning forward and just... taking the tip between his lips to draw in a pull from it. when he leans back, he readjusts, making sure he holds lu bixing securely against his side. softly, zhanlu sings for him. ]
Feels like a cruel joke... I know... [ he knows lu bixing. ]
[ the arm around the shoulder is an anchor, intention. he's here for him, for the lu bixing that is here, having survived so long without him, having clawed his way through immensities that lin jingheng can feel in the slope of his shoulders.
lu bixing holds up the blunt and he sighs. ]
Thank you...
[ genuine. this addles the mind, he knows it. the smell is overpowering and he's leery about it, hovering a moment before leaning forward and just... taking the tip between his lips to draw in a pull from it. when he leans back, he readjusts, making sure he holds lu bixing securely against his side. softly, zhanlu sings for him. ]
Feels like a cruel joke... I know... [ he knows lu bixing. ]
[ oh. watching lin take a pull from the joint surprises him - it makes lu bixing want to babble, desperately, makes his heart sing and flutter with the same flipping, nervous butterflies it did seventeen years ago, makes him want to tell him everything all at once. did you know, i started smoking just because i wanted to feel closer to you? did you know, i experimented on myself with biochips, i used sleeping pills and relaxants and everything i could do so i could dream about a world that still had you in it? but he doesn't. the words don't come to his mouth.
for the better, probably. the weed makes his head floaty, floatier than he'd normally ever like, and it makes zhanlu's softly singing robotic voice sound like it's melting into the background. he feels heavy, lets himself stay that way, and just tucks into jingheng's side. ]
I don't know if there was anything I could have done. [ either way. for four. for eto. ]
for the better, probably. the weed makes his head floaty, floatier than he'd normally ever like, and it makes zhanlu's softly singing robotic voice sound like it's melting into the background. he feels heavy, lets himself stay that way, and just tucks into jingheng's side. ]
I don't know if there was anything I could have done. [ either way. for four. for eto. ]
[ lin jingheng adjusts the jacket around lu bixing's shoulder gently with a tug, turning inwards towards him to make certain that he feels safe here in the shadow of his shoulder. ]
As we are right now? Probably not.
[ if he's being honest, and he has to be honest here in this moment. the taste of whiskey lingers on his tongue for a while, in among the smoke that tastes so strangely green. he doesn't like it, but he doesn't hate it. it's just different, vibrant. readjusting to food like this is always a trial and error process. ]
Best you could have done was this... even if Four being our culprit was not something we desired.
[ a soft squeeze. ] You speak with her?
As we are right now? Probably not.
[ if he's being honest, and he has to be honest here in this moment. the taste of whiskey lingers on his tongue for a while, in among the smoke that tastes so strangely green. he doesn't like it, but he doesn't hate it. it's just different, vibrant. readjusting to food like this is always a trial and error process. ]
Best you could have done was this... even if Four being our culprit was not something we desired.
[ a soft squeeze. ] You speak with her?
[ world cold and hard lin jingheng...also kind of cold and hard....
actually he's just soft and tender and exactly what lu bixing needs. he finally takes another puff of the smoke since jingheng did, too, still a little jittery about it but needing to take the edge off just as badly. inhale, and exhale. ]
...I did. [ ... he turns his face a little bit. ] She's had a hard time. It doesn't excuse anything, but it's been hard. I don't know. I hope I helped her a little.
actually he's just soft and tender and exactly what lu bixing needs. he finally takes another puff of the smoke since jingheng did, too, still a little jittery about it but needing to take the edge off just as badly. inhale, and exhale. ]
...I did. [ ... he turns his face a little bit. ] She's had a hard time. It doesn't excuse anything, but it's been hard. I don't know. I hope I helped her a little.
[ lin jingheng has immediately taken lu bixing off the goddamn stage and honestly, they are probably not staying on party island, if only because lu bixing has had a fucking day and so has lin jingheng by proxy. still, he embraces him, no matter how wobbly or still or stiff or shaken he is, he pushes his face into his shoulder and he holds him to his chest and he keeps him there. needs to affirm that lu bixing is real, he is alive, he is here.
(he is going insane in this moment, he swears he's flickering. it's not fair. don't take him don't take him don't take him.)
jingheng is thorough as he checks wounds and bruises, knows that there are some he can't touch until they are somewhere quiet, somewhere alone to let the weight of the past settle in between them. he gathers him with ease, a coat over his shoulders and one step at a time, from the ferry to the shore to the comfort of the narrow threshold.
the moment the door is shut, it is clear:
break. ]
(he is going insane in this moment, he swears he's flickering. it's not fair. don't take him don't take him don't take him.)
jingheng is thorough as he checks wounds and bruises, knows that there are some he can't touch until they are somewhere quiet, somewhere alone to let the weight of the past settle in between them. he gathers him with ease, a coat over his shoulders and one step at a time, from the ferry to the shore to the comfort of the narrow threshold.
the moment the door is shut, it is clear:
break. ]
You do what you can. You live with what you can't.
[ and you learn from that. but he knows. he knows that if lu bixing had it his way, they wouldn't be in this situation at all. some would say it's the cruelty of fate or destiny or whatever the kids believe in these days, but jingheng will just say it's bullshit manufactured by someone else.
he doesn't move, remains still and steady. ]
I hope you did too.
... You understand them in ways most don't.
[ and you learn from that. but he knows. he knows that if lu bixing had it his way, they wouldn't be in this situation at all. some would say it's the cruelty of fate or destiny or whatever the kids believe in these days, but jingheng will just say it's bullshit manufactured by someone else.
he doesn't move, remains still and steady. ]
I hope you did too.
... You understand them in ways most don't.
[ soft, a murmur, determined to be heard. the words are from the depths of his chest, and while he'd say them in the dark of night between the both of them, fingers intertwined, but here in this moment. he opens. thanks effect of the week. his eyes are warm gray, the aftermath of a squall. ]
I love you too. Lu Bixing.
[ like something will sweep in and snatch the words and their sentiments right out of the air. he's frightened it will flutter away, the winds too strong. he stops thinking somewhere between his shirt and his trousers and when he's told to get in the shower, he has to truly pause a moment and then just presses a hand gently to lu bixing's shoulder, squeezing slowly. ]
Mmm... you don't outrank me, do you?
[ as if he cares. it's a joke. he will get in the shower then, standing under the provided spray carefully to start washing off blood, careful of his bandages... he is efficient, quiet, but sometimes there is a soft little grit of pain somewhere in there. you know how he is. ]
I love you too. Lu Bixing.
[ like something will sweep in and snatch the words and their sentiments right out of the air. he's frightened it will flutter away, the winds too strong. he stops thinking somewhere between his shirt and his trousers and when he's told to get in the shower, he has to truly pause a moment and then just presses a hand gently to lu bixing's shoulder, squeezing slowly. ]
Mmm... you don't outrank me, do you?
[ as if he cares. it's a joke. he will get in the shower then, standing under the provided spray carefully to start washing off blood, careful of his bandages... he is efficient, quiet, but sometimes there is a soft little grit of pain somewhere in there. you know how he is. ]
[ wow it's lu bixing's turn to be beat up this time, huh.
the pain feels sort of dim, now. he only registers it dimly that he's being treated and hustled off the island, onto the ferry, and he doesn't bother trying to look strong or tough when lin jingheng pulls him close on it. he doesn't cry, but his hands tremble, and he holds very, very still, almost numb as they go through the motions.
and when they're back and alone in lin jingheng's room, lu bixing tiredly starts to unbutton the buttons on his shirt, and says in a rough, tired voice: ]
...I'm sorry, for worrying you.
[ he knows that must have been terrifying. knows it intimately, from having to see lin die just a few days ago.
joking, very lightly, in a sort of attempt at stepping away from the absolute immensity of everything that just happens, as he fumbles with his buttons with shaking hands, he says; ] What do you think. Monoeye Bixing? Monoeye Dog?
the pain feels sort of dim, now. he only registers it dimly that he's being treated and hustled off the island, onto the ferry, and he doesn't bother trying to look strong or tough when lin jingheng pulls him close on it. he doesn't cry, but his hands tremble, and he holds very, very still, almost numb as they go through the motions.
and when they're back and alone in lin jingheng's room, lu bixing tiredly starts to unbutton the buttons on his shirt, and says in a rough, tired voice: ]
...I'm sorry, for worrying you.
[ he knows that must have been terrifying. knows it intimately, from having to see lin die just a few days ago.
joking, very lightly, in a sort of attempt at stepping away from the absolute immensity of everything that just happens, as he fumbles with his buttons with shaking hands, he says; ] What do you think. Monoeye Bixing? Monoeye Dog?
[ doesn't this feel familiar?
lin jingheng pushes lu bixing's fingers away immediately. if he's going to undress, he will be assisted. his movements are slow, but careful, removing each button until he can slide the shirt off of lu bixing's shoulders.
deadpan as he works: ] Haha.
[ he will look carefully at the bandages there, trying to decide if he wants to redo them, but will instead choose not to expend the bandages just yet. instead. he just guides him to sit down quietly, hands coming to clasp his between them. ]
... I think Lu Bixing works just fine. Keep it.
[ he lifts a hand and cups his face gently, thumb stroking slowly beneath his cheek. ]
lin jingheng pushes lu bixing's fingers away immediately. if he's going to undress, he will be assisted. his movements are slow, but careful, removing each button until he can slide the shirt off of lu bixing's shoulders.
deadpan as he works: ] Haha.
[ he will look carefully at the bandages there, trying to decide if he wants to redo them, but will instead choose not to expend the bandages just yet. instead. he just guides him to sit down quietly, hands coming to clasp his between them. ]
... I think Lu Bixing works just fine. Keep it.
[ he lifts a hand and cups his face gently, thumb stroking slowly beneath his cheek. ]
[ he doesn't even try to stop him. frankly, after this week, he has no energy to do anything except allow lin to spoil him. he's not shameless enough to ask for it, anymore, and it feels really, really nice, to have it.
the bandage of the sword cut is reddening, still. the one on his eye is, too, sluggishly, but it seems like he's mostly okay. he doesn't quite waver, but he lets lin jingheng pull his red stained hand up to hold it. it's still shaking, lightly, and as he sits down, he closes his remaining eye and exhales out, turning his face into lin's hand. ]
Okay. [ no jokes, really. no flirting. no "maybe you'll give me your last name?" he's just so, so tired. this week has broken lu bixing into pieces, again, but at least... at least now, he doesn't have to be alone as he sits among them. he sounds like he's trying not to cry. ]
I look a lot more like him now, huh? Maybe I'll grow a beard.
the bandage of the sword cut is reddening, still. the one on his eye is, too, sluggishly, but it seems like he's mostly okay. he doesn't quite waver, but he lets lin jingheng pull his red stained hand up to hold it. it's still shaking, lightly, and as he sits down, he closes his remaining eye and exhales out, turning his face into lin's hand. ]
Okay. [ no jokes, really. no flirting. no "maybe you'll give me your last name?" he's just so, so tired. this week has broken lu bixing into pieces, again, but at least... at least now, he doesn't have to be alone as he sits among them. he sounds like he's trying not to cry. ]
I look a lot more like him now, huh? Maybe I'll grow a beard.
[ it's good advice - the words stick and resonate, especially because it's coming from lin. fate, cruelty, destiny. those are the things they've always dealt in, right?
he takes in a deep breath. inhale, exhale. ]
Sometimes. [ not always. ] I try to. That's all I can do.
he takes in a deep breath. inhale, exhale. ]
Sometimes. [ not always. ] I try to. That's all I can do.
Don't you dare.
[ lin jingheng whispers, holding that stained hand as fast as lu bixing wants him to, keeping him close. this is not a time for jokes, it's not a time to expect lu bixing to be anything but grief in this moment. there is firing a gun and there is injecting someone with their death warrant on stage in front of everyone else. ]
Bixing...
[ carefully, looking at him, smoothing a hand down some of his bandages with care, looking at the bandages over his eye as well and frowning softly. ]
... I'll never get on with your old man. [ especially not now. monoeye rip. ]
But I'll thank him once. Just once. For you.
[ his hand shifts, moves to take his chin and tilt it upwards. always to the sky, to the stars. ]
[ lin jingheng whispers, holding that stained hand as fast as lu bixing wants him to, keeping him close. this is not a time for jokes, it's not a time to expect lu bixing to be anything but grief in this moment. there is firing a gun and there is injecting someone with their death warrant on stage in front of everyone else. ]
Bixing...
[ carefully, looking at him, smoothing a hand down some of his bandages with care, looking at the bandages over his eye as well and frowning softly. ]
... I'll never get on with your old man. [ especially not now. monoeye rip. ]
But I'll thank him once. Just once. For you.
[ his hand shifts, moves to take his chin and tilt it upwards. always to the sky, to the stars. ]
[ it feels so nice to hear lin say that. it's somewhere between warmth and relief, after the trauma of their experience, after nearly losing him again, in the excited fireworks of a phrase that he not only rarely gets to hear, but he's hearing again, after seventeen years of a half hologram and nothing.
he exhales. shaky. slow, watching lin jingheng move and stand under the shower. closing his eyes briefly - seeing the mental image, again, the second he does, the bullet and the --
no. he opens his eyes. there's quiet for a little bit, and lin jingheng is left to shower in peace, but not for long -- eventually, there's the soft sound of fabric hitting the ground, and a second later lu bixing steps in behind him, and just buries his face in the back of his shoulderblades and stays there, mumbling, almost a little petulantly: ]
I'm the prime minister. I can do what I want. [ this is so untrue on so many levels ]
he exhales. shaky. slow, watching lin jingheng move and stand under the shower. closing his eyes briefly - seeing the mental image, again, the second he does, the bullet and the --
no. he opens his eyes. there's quiet for a little bit, and lin jingheng is left to shower in peace, but not for long -- eventually, there's the soft sound of fabric hitting the ground, and a second later lu bixing steps in behind him, and just buries his face in the back of his shoulderblades and stays there, mumbling, almost a little petulantly: ]
I'm the prime minister. I can do what I want. [ this is so untrue on so many levels ]
They trust you.
[ the breathing is good. so he breathes with him, deeply, in and out. some bullshit about counts he remembers, zhanlu counting backwards in his head. he closes his eyes.
unspoken: i trust you.
his voice is soft, honest: ]
Some of them need that particular... warmth that you provide. [ meeting his eyes ]
But don't set yourself on fire.
You don't have to anymore.
[ a hand slipping down to where he knows there are trackmarks. he holds them gently, strokes with his thumb. i'm here. ]
[ the breathing is good. so he breathes with him, deeply, in and out. some bullshit about counts he remembers, zhanlu counting backwards in his head. he closes his eyes.
unspoken: i trust you.
his voice is soft, honest: ]
Some of them need that particular... warmth that you provide. [ meeting his eyes ]
But don't set yourself on fire.
You don't have to anymore.
[ a hand slipping down to where he knows there are trackmarks. he holds them gently, strokes with his thumb. i'm here. ]
[ the first bit is a little funny. he's glad for the joke, lighter that it is, the reaction even if it's just a whisper, because he needs to cling onto a little bit of normalcy, desperately hold onto the facade of his own control, but naturally, lin sees right through him.
the comment tugs a little bit of a smile onto his face. hearing monoeye's voice today was hard. more than anything else, it stuck to him, a wound that took him seventeen years to properly close, one that hurts more than any other injury on his body now that it's been torn back open. he misses it. he misses their arguing, actually. misses his dad's overprotective nature, the gruff way that he cared - wanted to ask him a thousand more questions than he ever got to ask, wanted to point out that he was a liar to his face and get answers, too.
but that's gone. it's gone forever, now, even in a place like this, and it is, if nothing else - a reminder that lin is here.
he lets him lift his chin, and looks up at him - one bright brown eye, brows knit together, staring at him like he hung the stars themselves. ]
... I'm sorry. [ are the words that finally bubble out of his mouth. ] I must have scared you. [ and then, a little softer, with that same half sad laugh - ] If you're talking like that.
the comment tugs a little bit of a smile onto his face. hearing monoeye's voice today was hard. more than anything else, it stuck to him, a wound that took him seventeen years to properly close, one that hurts more than any other injury on his body now that it's been torn back open. he misses it. he misses their arguing, actually. misses his dad's overprotective nature, the gruff way that he cared - wanted to ask him a thousand more questions than he ever got to ask, wanted to point out that he was a liar to his face and get answers, too.
but that's gone. it's gone forever, now, even in a place like this, and it is, if nothing else - a reminder that lin is here.
he lets him lift his chin, and looks up at him - one bright brown eye, brows knit together, staring at him like he hung the stars themselves. ]
... I'm sorry. [ are the words that finally bubble out of his mouth. ] I must have scared you. [ and then, a little softer, with that same half sad laugh - ] If you're talking like that.
Edited 2023-02-21 20:03 (UTC)
[ lin jingheng closes his eyes as the water hits him. he lets it strike and counts as many drops as he can until he loses the number, because he's lost more than that. he's thinking, truly thinking, and all he remembers are the words leaving what looked to be his mouth, two bodies, each answering like two parts of the same whole.
but he hadn't felt there at all. out of body, floating, distant. he remembers that, fighting to the surface to touch electricity, to send out a message with a brush of his mind let me out let me out let me out.
when the curtain shivers and lu bixing steps in, he moves a bit, lets him have his space only to be given pause by the warmth between his shoulders. the soft curling of lu bixing's hair against the drops of water sliding down his back. he reaches (carefully) for a hand, taking it in his own to cup the knuckles, gazing into the palm like he could read it as easily as that old fortune teller could.
but he doesn't see anything. he doesn't see the line of his own disaster, doesn't see what he's brought lu bixing down to. instead. he thumbs softly, at the pin pricks on his forearms, smooths palms down. what have i done to you? he asks himself, now more than ever.
he lifts up one of lu bixing's hands carefully and presses the fingertips to his lips, not a kiss, just a quiet touch. ]
I'll allow it.
[ this is so untrue, but lin jingheng would move heaven and earth and break all of the rules if it meant lu bixing would smile. ]
but he hadn't felt there at all. out of body, floating, distant. he remembers that, fighting to the surface to touch electricity, to send out a message with a brush of his mind let me out let me out let me out.
when the curtain shivers and lu bixing steps in, he moves a bit, lets him have his space only to be given pause by the warmth between his shoulders. the soft curling of lu bixing's hair against the drops of water sliding down his back. he reaches (carefully) for a hand, taking it in his own to cup the knuckles, gazing into the palm like he could read it as easily as that old fortune teller could.
but he doesn't see anything. he doesn't see the line of his own disaster, doesn't see what he's brought lu bixing down to. instead. he thumbs softly, at the pin pricks on his forearms, smooths palms down. what have i done to you? he asks himself, now more than ever.
he lifts up one of lu bixing's hands carefully and presses the fingertips to his lips, not a kiss, just a quiet touch. ]
I'll allow it.
[ this is so untrue, but lin jingheng would move heaven and earth and break all of the rules if it meant lu bixing would smile. ]
You never repeat that.
[ he murmurs it, gentler than before even. his hands move to grab some of the blankets. he doesn't care of they get a little bloody if it means he can at least make sure lu bixing is more comfortable right now. there are worse things. ]
Get an eye that matches at least. [ gaudy!!!! motherfucker!!! ] or wear a patch.
I already told Zhanlu once to get a parrot. May as well run with it.
[ he murmurs it, gentler than before even. his hands move to grab some of the blankets. he doesn't care of they get a little bloody if it means he can at least make sure lu bixing is more comfortable right now. there are worse things. ]
Get an eye that matches at least. [ gaudy!!!! motherfucker!!! ] or wear a patch.
I already told Zhanlu once to get a parrot. May as well run with it.
Edited 2023-02-21 20:54 (UTC)
[ sis ill kill you if you're dead this week.
anyways, here is lin jingheng waiting for lu bixing to meet him here at the aquarium. he's currently dressed in a dark gray button down, some black gloves and his blue jacket draped over his shoulders. zhanlu is here, of course, on his arm and hanging out.
with a cigarette dangling from his mouth and leaning against a wall, he truly just looks like his usual trash self. damn. he's just currently flicking through his phone while waiting for his showman boyfriend to make himself Known. ]
anyways, here is lin jingheng waiting for lu bixing to meet him here at the aquarium. he's currently dressed in a dark gray button down, some black gloves and his blue jacket draped over his shoulders. zhanlu is here, of course, on his arm and hanging out.
with a cigarette dangling from his mouth and leaning against a wall, he truly just looks like his usual trash self. damn. he's just currently flicking through his phone while waiting for his showman boyfriend to make himself Known. ]
[ the mental image of zhanlu getting a parrot - and, of course, whatever lin's reaction to whatever stupid way zhanlu took that joke makes him giggle. it's a little, tiny bit hysterical because this has been one of the longest weeks of his life and lu bixing has truly had some Long, Long Weeks (its been a long seventeen years), but the levity of this moment is so nice that he can't help it.
also they just spent all that time dealing with space pirates. he giggles a little bit more, ducking his head, feeling tears well up at the corner of his remaining eye, but - well, at least they're probably of laughter. ]
Space Hell Pirate Prime Minister has a nice ring to it. [ god. ]
also they just spent all that time dealing with space pirates. he giggles a little bit more, ducking his head, feeling tears well up at the corner of his remaining eye, but - well, at least they're probably of laughter. ]
Space Hell Pirate Prime Minister has a nice ring to it. [ god. ]
Page 5 of 19